Gone Blonde!

 I have found that if you love life, life will love you back ♥

It has been an emotional day.  

Great doc appointment with Dr. Mullally this morning, blood tests ---- getting ready for RCHOP #2.  Organized my treatment schedule and took the day off from work and from running.  Rest is so important for health.  Right up there with nutrition and hydration!  

So here is a little ditty --- I am Happy it is Friday, I am Happy my LUMPS are gone, I am Happy & in love more than ever with my sweet husband who shaved my head today!  

HAPPY

H = Drinking water is so important for healing    Hydration = Healing

A = Alpurinol = drug that helped the "junk" get out of my kidneys

P = Prednisone = Bananas really help the cramps & side effects from this drug

P = Pink Petal = Donna is amazing!

Y = Yes, I AM ALIVE and kicking harder than ever!

We did NOT have a shaving party --- so I am bringing the experience to you on Smilebox (trying it out for the first time and Hoops & Yoyo is my fave).... SO here you go.  My sweet husband Steve has been there through all the tears and smiles and anguish and anxiety and has truly helped me tough this thing out!  Enjoy it --- freaky for me to experience, and my head feels like a pin cushion of stubble.....  really hard to explain and no you don't really want to experience this.  I definitely never wanted to --- but here I am larger than life in my own slideshow.

(Experiencing technical difficulties - found out Smilebox does not work on Safari)  Will post before / during / after photos below too.  :)


Hit the green arrow to go forward and escape to finish the show.  Hoops & Yoyo have their own routine.
Enjoy!  hee hee

This digital slideshow created with Smilebox

I cried a couple times and getting used to the wig, bangs in my face, wondering if everyone looking at me knew I was wearing a wig.  I think I fooled a couple people that I just got my hair colored and I really believe they don't know it is a wig.  Crazy.  Getting used to the stubble on my head is very weird indeed....   

Steve has been the most amazing caregiver!  This is true love when he can actually shave my head and then just absolutely love my new hair !!  He can't take his eyes off me... :)  

Truly - Madly - Deeply

In every sense of the words! 

More photos of todays experience..... highlights from the show!

Before

During: 

After!

Please leave a note if you stopped by!  Hope you like the new me!  Or at least the new me for the next 6 months!

Cancer Humor?

Today I searched around for some related "cancer" humor and inspiration --- there is a ton of it.  Some tasteful and actually funny and most of it NOT.  Or at least in my opinion.  I am sharing the good stuff in this post.  If you see anything out there that is worth sharing for humor or quotes or inspiration - please comment below! Cute eh?

I found a lot of great stuff on this weblink:  The Cancer Club -- gifts and inspiration to those living with cancer. A Quote from Robert H. Schuller "Laughter solves alot of problems because it gives you a more positive outlook. Change your outlook and you will change your life." -- Robert H. Schuller A Quote from Arnold Palmer "I get the feeling people say, 'Well, you've had cancer and that it's over'. Hell, it's not all over. I have no intention of lying down and stopping. I'm going to do something." -- Arnold Palmer

Once you've had chemotherapy, there's no such thing as a bad-hair day.

Elizabeth Tilberis

Oh despair - I am losing my hair - EVERYWHERE!

Sending my donation of hair to Pantene Great Lengths today -- I wrote a nice letter thanking them for their great work in making a difference in the lives of child cancer survivors.  It is a great feeling knowing that my hair is going to them and their great work at Pantene.  :)

Thought I would post a little hair poem today because I am still experiencing hair coming from my head, so much I hate to even wash it in the shower.  :(  Oh well.  On a high side the wig is in!   Just the blonde one, the dark brown was sent in the wrong color, so we may have to wait to get that one at a different time.  Headed to Pink Petal on Friday for the fitting and I promised Jeff & Judy a fashion show with all the other wigs so you all can see me in all the different style and vote (?) for your favorite!  :)  That should be fun.  

Hair

I'm losing my hair... 

Do I really care?

Oh yes! Despair!

My hair is falling out 

EVERYWHERE!

Do I dare

Shave off my hair?

It is a scare

But to be fair

I will share

My hair

And then to clear the air

shave this hair

A wig I will wear

And the people will stop & stare

At a "new me"  :)

-Nancy Cook

Hahaha  --- Look out Dr. Seuss!  Ok so that last line didn't rhyme, but I thought I did a pretty good job eh?  My girls that I coached skiing are really great about putting together poems.  We enter our little ditties each year on Valentine's Day and win fudge from a local craft shop.  When I was a child I used to always write poetry.  Mom always made me feel so talented when I would come up something --- probably why I love to write today! 

Thanks for stopping by -- please leave a note and stay tuned as Friday should be entertaining!

Below:  Photo of my 8 inch pony tail with the letter I sent off to Pantene! :)

George Ca
Looking around I found this from George Carlin.  Pretty funny.  They also had it on You Tube.  :)  Check it out.  Hilarious.  
Funny he continued to have a pony tail until his death of heart failure in 2008.  A very very funny man.

Hair PoemHair Poem by George Carlin

I'm aware some stare at my hair. In fact, to be fair, Some really despair of my hair. But I don't care, Cause they're not aware, Nor are they devonaire. In fact, they're just square. They see hair down to there, Say, "Beware" and go off on a tear! I say, "No fair!" A head that's bare is really nowhere. So be like a bear, be fair with your hair! Show it you care. Wear it to there. Or to there. Or to there, if you dare! My wife bought some hair at a fair, to use as a spare. Did I care? Au contraire! Spare hair is fair! In fact, hair can be rare. Fred Astair got no hair, Nor does a chair, Nor nor a chocolate eclair, And where is the hair on a pear? Nowhere, mon frere! So now that I've shared this affair of the hair, I'm going to repair to my lair and use Nair, do you care?

Getting Wigged Out - Part 2

We made the appointment for the Pink Petal in South Hadley - home of Mt. Holyoke College - an amazing and beautiful town here in Western Mass, and right around the corner from our house.  Donna was recommended highly by Cheryl Nina Salon (aunt to Stephen & Samantha) and also by Dr. Mullally's office.  You drive up to this shop and it looks like a flower shop --- so beautiful and quaint.  Very "New England".  : )

I was definitely very nervous, this part of the the whole "cancer" thing doesn't make me feel very comfortable, as it is very evident that you have cancer and in chemo when you lose your hair.  Scary.  And while I still have my long hair (longer than it has been in a long time...) I am still in "denial".  Doesn't seem possible.  And when I feel good, I have a hard time remembering that yes, I have cancer, and I am in treatment.  Crazy.

My husband Steve is so incredibly supportive, he has been tight - right by my side every inch of the way.  His undying love is so strong, seems stronger now than ever, if I thought that were possible.... but it is true.  A true caregiver, he gives the strongest meaning to the word.  He holds me, monitors my symptoms, listens to my pains, prays with me, heals with me, loves me so so much.  This experience has brought us even closer than ever - he is an amazing man - dedicated to me each and every moment.  I start with that because I think he really wants me to continue to feel beautiful and like "myself" and knows that with hair that just may be possible.  :)  He looked into the wig opportunity right from the beginning by asking Cheryl and we were secure in the fact that Donna at the Pink Petal was it!  He held my hand as we walked up the steps onto the porch to the shop that was a renovated old home, and gave me a squeeze.  "I know your nervous, it's ok, it's all going to be ok..."  he said with his usual warm and loving smile.

The shop was packed!  Crazy.  There were about 5 women inside shopping --- wigs, clothes, prosthesis, "Save the Tatas tshirts, jewelry... and more.  What a cool shop.  I felt like I had been invited into a "club" - a club of cancer survivors, and most evident breast cancer survivors.  Working for the American Cancer Society, breast cancer is the most common cancer for women, women fighting breast cancer are very passionate and that passion comes out in events like Making Strides Against Breast Cancer - the ACS walk for breast cancer and others like Race for a Cure for Susan Koeman, etc.  That passion to fight breast cancer because it hits so many of our loved ones is just so powerful!  So there we were in the room - I had my 10 am appointment and I was just a little uncomfortable, but looked around at the wigs on the maniquin heads and the scarves and hats.  Donna was behind the counter, a very sweet woman with a really welcoming smile.  She said hello and the other lady got all my information and took my "hair prothesis" prescription.  You can buy one wig and your health insurance will reimburse you up to a certain amount.  Good to know - glad I have insurance, because the wigs range from about $300-900.

Donna brought us into one of her wig rooms -- about 5 shelves line the walls with approximately 30 wigs all around me.  A big mirror and chair as if you are in the beauty salon.  She talks to us about wigs, how they are made and the different brands and a little timeline of what most people experience with hair loss.  I brought up my research from Kathy  -- the tied cap, something to look natural, looking at real hair wigs, etc.

Looking around at the styles and the colors --- i just know that blonde would not look good with my skin coloring, but it was fun to try them on anyway -- all the wigs are on display and they order one after measuring your skull to fit you custom.  We looked at some of the long hair wigs and some short hair, a little red highlights and even some blondes!  :)  Steve laughed, Donna smiled, I thought this was just so crazy -- seeing my head with this odd hair on top --- just weird.  But fun in its own crazy way.  We liked a few of them actually and then Donna showed us this new technology that is more heat resistant now -- a new style just out.  The hair color I tried on was a blonde highlighted light brown.  It was beautiful.  Looked like my style hair and Steve was looking at me thinking and jokingly says "Hmmm -- Hey you wanna go out?  My wife may get mad, but you are gorgeous!" :)
Donna went out and got a brunette of the same long hair style and truly it looked like my hair.  I really liked it. And Steve thought we should get the blonde too --- just for fun --- and so he can go out on a date with that "blonde"  :)

Success!  We looked at the real hair wigs (they are much more expensive and more to upkeep as they are real) = $800 plus. but decided since this is a temporary hair loss from the cancer and hopefully by March I will have some hair back, I was going to go with the synthetic new technology hair -- it looked good and made me feel beautiful.  For running I will wear a cap, a hat hopefully something so it doesn't fly off....  but the wig will be good.  And the blonde one will be fun.

Jeff & Judy think I should go back to the shop when the wig comes in and get my photo with various wigs on my head and people can vote on what they think looks good on me.  :)  Pretty funny, crazy Relay friends I have ---- gotta love them - they are trying to make this fun for me too.

The wig should be in soon - Donna said it takes about 5 days.  Her shop is just awesome, people in there, the customers and the sales lady are so friendly and warm.  So glad we went to the Pink Petal..   More to come on this part of the story....  stay tuned.


Oh ya - side note --- Donna is the Look Good Feel Better coordinator in the area, volunteering for the American Cancer Society.

The Look Good...Feel Better program is a community-based, free, national service. It teaches female cancer patients beauty tips to look better and feel good about how they look during chemotherapy and radiation treatments.

 I asked her if she would show me how to wear scarves and all that the program has to offer for cancer patients and of course she will when I come in again.  Very cool.

I didn't bring my camera in the shop with me that day and will have to go back as I really want to share it with you all.  Such a great place - inviting, warm and welcoming place --- great healing environment and Donna's smile really tops it off.  :)


Me and My "Caregiver"

Getting "Wigged" Out!

Hope you liked my humorous title for the next piece of "treatment" I need to get through.... Finding the perfect wig(s) and how to "dress" my head! I remember the days as an Area Director for the New Hampshire Division of the American Cancer Society and recruiting and working with the hospital and Look Good Feel Better volunteers. What an amazing program -- now going through all this I see that this is one of the most important pieces of support, advice that should be there for women. We are predisposed to being self conscious, and work to look good --- things like shopping, manicures, pedicures and spa day are things you can do to boost your morale and inevitable your psyche and chance for success. So off to the Pink Petal today -- just to check it out on the way home if we aren't in here too late. Then I will make that appointmnet. :)

Here are the notes from my friend Kathy who has had the most and best experience with wigs of anyone I know - so I made the call for her support and guidance.  She just always looks so fabulous!... I first called her to let her know what I was going through and then asked her about her great experience with wigs. Her words of care and sharing of tips was just so good I wanted to share it with all of you and also have it as part of this online journal.

Wig Notes from Kathy:

• Be sure you get some "wig tape" as active as you are.
• Though, you will look great with just a scarf, bandana or cap when you're working out. : )
• Also, as much as you are outside, you may want to look for a full-lace cap -- which basically means the hair is sewn in completely covering the mesh that the entire wig is made from. This way when the wind blows you can't see 'wig rows.' (the rows of elastic that the hair is usually sewn onto).
• Do not be afraid to try on every single wig in the salon.
• First find the style that works for you -- then worry about the exact right color.
• Check the color in natural light against your skin to be sure that it looks natural.

Kathy's story:

Finally, I decided that I needed to get a wig. I loaded up all four children (at the time) and took them with me to the wig shop so that they could be involved in the process. Now, fortunately, we have at least three wig salons here in San Antonio. But, in smaller cities, you may not have the selection you need.

Do not -- I repeat -- do not order your first wig online. Because what you think will look good and what actually works for you are completely different things. If possible, take a trip to a larger city and plan to spend a few hours trying on as many wigs as you need to.

Kathy's 10 Tips - from a blog post a few years ago (below).

1) if you are looking for long hair (which is what I currently have) -- definitely spend the money on real human hair (with the cuticle intact). I tried several long synthetic wigs (even the "new generation" and "heat resistant" synthetics) and they looked great -- for about a month. After that the ends get "knappy" (for lack of a better word) and it gets very, very tangled all the time. The human hair is just like, well, hair. Definitely get "Remy" hair -- which is the quality of hair where the cuticle is still in tact and all the hair is sewn in in the same direction so it falls most naturally.

2) look for wigs with a "monofilament" top -- or in the less expensive wigs, a flesh colored mesh piece -- where the hair parts. These look most natural and really does look like your scalp showing. If you are caucasion -- look for the lighter wig cap. If you are african-american or hispanic/latino -- look for the darker wig cap.

3) you don't have to spend a lot to look great! The wig that I had on in my picture cost $39.99 and I swear I had so many compliments on it -- even women wanting to take my picture so that they could show their sylist what they wanted (it was then that I was very tempted to just take my wig off and ask the lady if she wanted to try it on! But, I didn't want to embarrass my husband.)

4) Benefits of synthetic hair -- wash with any mild shampoo, shake out and let air dry. No styling required. Very easy maintenance.

5) Benefits of human hair -- looks and feels great! Shampoo and style just as you did your own hair.

6) drawbacks of synthetic hair -- Not as durable. Can melt or singe with a sudden blast of heat -- say, from leaning too close when opening the oven. Or if your mother should accidentally wash your hair on extra hot, sanitary setting in the washing machine.

7) drawbacks of human hair -- you have to fix it. If it rains, you have a bad hair day.

8) drawbacks of all wigs -- wind, roller coasters, and water sports create challenges. But, there is double-stick tape for that. : )

9) and finally, the benefits of any and all wigs -- you can always have perfect color and highlights!! I am currently a red-head and it looks amazing with my skin!

10) The very best benefit -- once you get past feeling self-conscious -- is that you look and feel beautiful again!

_________________________________________________________________________

Here are some photos that I love of me -- looking beautiful -- from our Wedding Day in August of 2007. 

Photo of Schuyler before walking across the bridge - I think we were in negotiations here where I promised him ANY lego to make the trip to the altar with me. 

Photo of Steve and I  - Truly - Madly  - Deeply - after the "I Do's"  So in love then and even more in love now.

Photo of me at the reception with my alcoholic celebration drink of choice  - Champagne

The Good the Bad and the Ugly ----> Look Good Feel Better!

Steve has been so diligent in reminding me I need to find out information on getting a wig.  Not just because he loves my beautiful long brown hair, but so I won't freak out when my hair starts to come out, which is inevitable.... every doctor we have visited affirms it and mentions it.  It is the most visible thing about having cancer.  And it can be so emotional having it come out in clumps.  The video from MGH had an interview with a lady that said she had it shaved so it wouldn't "beat" her and it really was the best thing that she did.  Not sure what I will do, at least get a shorter cut soon, but hmmmm shaving it?  Reminds me of a fundraiser or 2.... and actually a whole entire Relay in the Eastern Division that shaved their heads for their local Relay For Life to set a Guinness Book of World Records... (I used to hear ALL the stories being the editor of our National Relay For Life Tracking newsletter for 5 years... what fun that job was to read all the great things happening across the country).  We shall see if I can come up with something creative or have the energy...  Any ideas?  :)

In the meantime after asking each doctor.... "I am going to lose my hair right?"  thinking maybe someone will say no...  but alas, yes it is going to go and probably when I am about 3 weeks in.   So we must be prepared or yes --- Steve is right -- I will freak, as I have freaked before when I lost little patches from minor Alopecia for the first time after having Schuyler.  Yes, 2 little spots first noticed by my friend Sue Ann at a national Relay meeting and I was in tears watching my hair come out.  It has happened a few times since then but I got this great topical steroid and it comes back in.  My hair looks a little funky (magic bangs!) but I hide it well with my part.  : )  

So now the real deal, time to look for a wig and find some hats that I will wear.  I am so fortunate to have a friend that has lost her hair and is amazing how she looks in a wig.  I admire her every time I see her at National meetings, as she lives in Texas and works for the American Cancer Society.  I called her the other day to give her my news and ask for advice.  She sent me a great email the other day and I will add it to this post with her permission as it is so wonderful her thoughts, experience and humor through it all.  

We are going to the Pink Petal Boutique today, a hair salon that specializes in wigs marketing to women with breast cancer.  Cheryl Nina from Nina's salon as well as both oncologists offices  have recommended her highly.  My insurance covers one prescription for a "hair prosthesis" which I found funny, but with the cost of wigs and the cost of treatment (even with health insurance) - every little bit counts!  

I made some funny notes yesterday on the way home talking to Steve about the Pros and Cons of losing my hair so here it they are: 

Pros and Cons of Losing my Hair

We will start with the cons to get the maybe "not so positive feelings out there"...

CONS:

1. Schuyler mentioned I would be ugly -- hope that he never feels that way about his mommy... :(

2. I will not feel like "me" without my long hair

3. Took a LONG time to grow it this long!  Not knowing how long or what it will look like when it grows back! ;(

4. The bouncy pony tail in the back keeps my pace as it slaps me when I run....  :)

I am sure there are more, but I need to change my focus...

PROS:

1. Aerodynamics!  (Thanks Jonathan) - I will be faster when I run!  Less drag and less weight!

2. I will get to wear all those hats I have bought through the years that I never wear!

3. Try new scarves?  How do you wear a scarf on your head anyway?  :)

4. Learn first hand about LGFB the ACS patient service program.....  

5. I could go blonde? (Is that a good thing?  Sorry Judy... :))

6. I could go red?!  Now that sounds like fun!

7. I could raise some money for my DetermiNation and Relay For Life efforts for the American Cancer Society!  Chicago is STILL on the books and hopefully with some strength a real possibility. And YES I will be a co-team captain for our local Pack 57 ROCKS team here in Belchertown.  :)

Here is a link to my Chicago Determination Page - 

"Boston or Bust" is my team - not that anyone has joined yet, maybe Cara, Charlie and Judy will join me because I know they are signed up too.  Please leave any size donation if you are able!  More on that later.  :)

Nancy Runs Chicago!

Here is a recent picture of Steve & I as a before "hair loss" photo.  It was a champagne shoot because Cathy asked for Champagne pics.... :)  Me and my incredible caregiver!  More on him later too- he has put up with so much so far and there is so much more to come!  

Chemo - Day One

You are all of course not surprised that I had Steve take my picture in the treatment room...  for "posterity" he says to the ladies across the way.  But really I had to share the smile on my face -- after the nurse had a tough time with these incredibly strong VEINS of mine.... and had to re-launch the needle --  (a few times - third time is a charm - right?!) and then ripping that bandage off my slightly hairy arms just was nasty pain.....  not that I am complainer..... :)

Yes - I have the Optimist Creed framed on a shelf (a gift from Stephanie Haberkorn back in my day as a Relay specialist covering 3 counties in Northeast Colorado - I needed it back then too!).  I subscribe to Jon Gordon's Energy Bus emails giving a positive outlook daily and I truly love the Energy Bus and all of Jon's books!  I believe in motivation, positive thinking, visualization and that winning is 70% mental and 30% physical -- in some cases 100% mental!  :)

And yes that maybe a grey hair, not that I had any before I discovered this cancer....  so I am blaming cancer...  but at 46 with no grey hair, no coloring ever in my life -- I am so blessed!  :)



SO here I am - Day 1 of my 4 month trek.....

Me with my Ipad, my blackberry, and my USAT championship shirt  :)  at Doc Mullally's office

Another war wound...  I have a nice picture of the "wound" from the CT guided biopsy too --- from July 4th weekend on the boat.  :)