7 days till the Boston Marathon ..... "My Story"

My Story

I was recently asked to share my story - 

My story is one of will, dedication, committment, years of training and racing.    Accumulating what seems like millions of hours of time that I have put in preparation.... and now another marathon - another day at the start line of a race, this time the Boston Marathon - the grand daddy of them all! 13 days from today  - bib 9162, wave 2, corral 1 - standing, stretching, anticipating that start gun, with more than 20,000 runners headed from Hopkinton to Boston!  This will be my 6th Boston and my 27th marathon.  

It doesn't always come easy, getting out of bed each morning, but I am motivated by my loving husband, Steve who encourages me to get myself going and catch those ponytails! That plus my rambunctious "full of energy" son cheer me on at each race and give "me" the training time to put myself to work - to increase my mileage, speed or endurance as a whole.  I am so proud that I can perform at the higher levels like I have proven in the recent past - with a seventh place master finish in 2007 with a 3:05 at Boston and then 7th master again in San Fransisco at the 2007 Nike Woman's marathon  and then winning my age group at the Marine Corps Marathon in 2009. I qualified in 2008, at age 43 for the World Championship 1/2 ironman and the US National Championships for the Olympic distance - - on my own raw talent, because anyone that really knows me, knows I am of the "less is more theory" with all I have to juggle in life. I am self coached by "Greta Gamin" , my Ipod nano, and my training buddy, yellow lab Oakley. I research training plans online, communicate online with other runners and just get up and put my feet on the pavement each and every morning.  

It hit me like a ton of bricks last July when I was diagnosed with Diffuse Large B Cell lymphoma that running was my focus to keep my sights forward and always moving ahead.  I had signed up for the Chicago Marathon, and with God's will I would have the strength to endure chemo, endure training and complete the marathon.  It was a challenge I put before me and as a goal oriented person I knew I would do it.  Many may have doubted that I could do it, but when I was finally out there with tingly feet & hands, as hydrated as possible, with the goal to finish ---- it happened.  I crossed the line with all that support behind me from friends, family, colleagues.  My husband was there for me every step of the way, and my friend Cara dressed as BatGirl to support me in the marathon each mile while I wore my Wonder Woman outfit.   Feeling like Wonder Woman we crossed the line with a 3:57.  

My last chemotherapy treatment was in November.  Now I had my sights on Boston, recruiting the Dream Team to join me on the line again and adding a couple more to the team we were perched for success!  But they found something in my spleen and weren't sure that maybe the cancer was still growing inside of me.  On February 28 they removed my spleen to biopsy it and determine if more chemo was needed.  I waited a week and 3 days for the results, but got the call that there was no cancer in the spleen and I was "good to go"!  It was another challenge coming back from major surgery in such a short time frame before Boston.  The pain was tough to bear, even riding in a car at first, but I slowly moved beyond the pain and recovered enough to run and get some additional training in before the big day.   

Now, with only 7 days till the Dream Team meets me in Boston to rally that route from Hopkinton to Boston chills go up my spine thinking about what a year it has been for me.  The challenges before me have made me focus even more on that end result.  I hope to inspire others to focus on the goals, all the good feelings, the ups and not the downs.  I hope to share with others that you need to be as strong as you can be to get through the tough times and grow closer to that "pie in the sky" goal that you may set for yourself.  Live each day!  I have to end with my favorite quote from my "journey'

"Just remember that no one can hold you back from doing all the things you want to do.  Keep you goals in sight, take one day at a time, some days will be better than others, but every day is a blessing -so make each day the best it can be." 

  - Nancy E Cook, marathoner, cancer survivor, mother, wife & more!

If you want to donate to my DetermiNation efforts in the fight against cancer through the mission of the American Cancer Society please link HERE

The Dream Team is now less than $300 from our $15,000 goal!  Thank you to Cara, Charlie, DPittman, Matt and Jill all your amazing work!  


Photo:  My new "ride" for Boston --- a little Relay Purple in these Nike Lunar Glides -- LOVE em! :)

I am here.

I got the call.

Dr. Barnes called on Tuesday & gave us the good news and there is NO cancer in my spleen.  It was the best news we had heard all year.  It took them a whole week to slice and dice the thing, but it turned up negative.  Even better news is that it will be a close follow up of CAT scans & blood work for 2 years.  I feel like I have hit another milestone in this journey.  Survivorship.

I am here.

This latest experience has me reflecting on my past - working with the American Cancer Society - and the amazing volunteers that were "cancer survivors" to now truly discovering what it means to be a "survivor".  

I remember specifically in my early years working as an Area Director for 5 counties in the state of New Hampshire.  I called it the "West".  :)  5 powerful small counties with so much potential.  I replaced this staffer (I think her name was Kate) that the volunteers held in high regard and respect.  They were tough shoes to fill.  So there I was in my early 20's... working with professional volunteers to support the mission of the American Cancer Society.  It was the Gail As & the Bob M's  & the sweet Suki's that I "cut my teeth" on to develop my skills in working with volunteers to support the mission of the ACS and it is those early experiences working in the "field" that I remember the most .

Gail A. was a strong woman in the Peterborough area.  I remember her not wanting to be called a "survivor" because it was truly something personal to her.  She didn't want to be "jinxed" by the label.  I can see how she feels now that I have had cancer.  It is a beast.  Fast forward to the Chicago Marathon - Kristin McQueen, cancer survivor & marathoner & IRONWOMAN says it best - "Suck it cancer!"  She tapes those words on the back of her race shirt where ever she goes (raising more than $10K each year for ACS DetermiNation)..... It's true - it may be chasing you your whole life.  Now that I have had cancer I realize there is nothing that ever says you are done.   So many I have known have been "hit hard" multiple times.   Mary Beth Redell from American Airlines - who we lost this past year to her final battle with colon cancer - is an amazing strong example.  Others like sweet Suki from Peterborough would be the volunteers that lead that tiny town into making tens of thousands of dollars at Making Strides Against Breast Cancer.  Her passion along with the passion of Betty Borry I got to know as the staff person at the Breast Cancer Survivor Adventure Weekend back in the mid 90's- where myself and cancer survivors (all ages and all stages) were given the opportunity to get away for the weekend and work through a ropes course, writing, kayaking and reflecting.  It was an amazing experience for me I will never forget. Hearing about what it meant for each of those women to be surviving cancer face to face in that setting was one of the most inspiring things I have done in my life.  

 I remember in July when I was first diagnosed.  I was scared, but decided to look the beast in the eye.  I laughed as I told my friend Judy I couldn't wait to wear that purple tshirt, the sash and walk that lap!  Being a survivor is a celebration.  A celebration of life.  My life, the lives of others who have faced the beast and lived another day.  More birthdays - for more survivors - a mission you can relate to especially if you are someone like me who just loves their birthday!  But this second time that I thought it could be more cancer, that scared me - I couldn't write about it. I had had enough.  I had finished my chemo treatments, I fought hard, lost my hair, eyelashes & eyebrows, felt like crap, exhausted & beat up.  My hair was just barely starting to come back so I didn't have to wear that crazy blonde wig.  I kept my positive outlook, kept running to stay strong (mentally & physically)... to now hear this news of "Sorry we 'saw something' in your PET scan".  EEK.  Spleen removal?  Major surgery?  Whatever it takes is all that I could think or say.  We had the best docs taking care of me and we put all our trust in them.  Now, with the results in hand - no cancer - it is time to go back to living a normal life - wow - but I will never be "normal" after this experience.  

I am here. 

This was on the back of the Relay For Life Tshirt in Boulder Colorado when I moved out west (the REAL west).  :)  Kristin Sheldon was an artist I met on Pearl Street.  On the weekends it was always a fair, vendors with their "carts" - and I loved her cards!  I introduced myself to her that day and by chance it was the 1 year anniversary of a dear friend of hers that she lost to breast cancer.  A true calling - me asking her to design a card & a bookmark to give to luminaria donors and the words in her font on the back of the survivor tshirt.  The words meant so much to me at that time, but mean so much more to me now.  I am here - PERIOD.  I am here to do what it takes to share, to inspire, to encourage and to care about making a difference - a REAL difference.  I don't quite yet know what that means yet.  But I know there is more to come for me.  I am alive due to the research and where we are with cancer treatments right now, because of amazing organizations like the American Cancer Society.  I am here to do what it takes.

There are so many cancer survivors - so many stories of strength.  I want to share my story to give others strength, but it isn't really about my story, I want to hear everyone else's story, it is a collection of all of the stories out there - because in every story there is inspiration, hope and a celebration of a life.


Be strong.  Stay strong.  Celebrate every day, because each day is a blessing.    

 I would like to share this card that Kristin developed for us at the American Cancer Society. 

"With a trail of light, there is no night" 

We celebrate the lives of the cancer survivors by honoring them at the Relay For Life luminaria ceremonies and paying tribute to the memories of those we have lost to cancer - "the beast"....  we light a trail of luminaries to celebrate those lives.  Remember at your Relay this year to celebrate those you love, those you care about and those in your community that bring strength to our world.  

I am truly blessed to have such an amazing support system.... my family, my friends, my colleagues at the American Cancer Society - my doctors, Dr. Sean Mullally and Dr. Jeffery Barnes.  ALL of the nurses and people that have smiled when I needed a smile, prayed when I needed strength & sent their love when I needed a boost!  

Thanks for reading, stopping by - please leave a comment - I love to hear from everyone. 

Bye bye Spleen! RIP!

If you don't need it - get rid of it!  If there may be cancer in there - just take it!

The weekend before the "knife" was a lot of fun at Mount Snow skiing with my "girls" for the last time this season and then out on the hill until last chair with Steve after skiing with the group.  The skiing has been so amazing this winter!  We have enjoyed every moment possible on the hill....  The Stratton race was the next day, we drove home knowing it would be more comfortable sleeping in our own bed before heading out in the morning.  Schuyler stayed with the Feliciano's, who truly have become such great friends of ours this season.  Sunday, Schuyler raced, Steve coached and I took photos of all the racers...  I love the energy of the kids on the course and so proud of Schuyler & his friends as they ski by... my photography has been such a great focus for me during my "cancer" and I feel I have taken it to a new level.  It is always great to focus on something you are passionate about when shit is hitting the fan.  :)  Just kidding.  But just like my marathons, I have been spending time training, or sorting through thousands of ski photos to take my mind off what "may be".  I have such an incredible support system on the mountain... all the parents in the ski club, all the coaches at Devo & Comp and of course my incredible family.

After the Stratton race we were headed straight home after a little Schuyler search to find him at the ceremony....  Once home we got Schuyler ready to spend the next few nights with our amazing friends/neighbors the Courchesne's.

Our trip to Boston in the morning on the Pike for almost 2 hours put us at the Wang Building of Mass General a few minutes late, we signed in and within 15 minutes "Nancy Cook" was called to the changing area.  I felt like I was in the army with these big plastic bags for my clothes and shoes.  I gave all my "valuables" to Steve - changed in the room and joined him back in the waiting room with my johnny & robe.  Pretty funny when everyone else was in street clothes.... even for that moment, just a bizarre feeling. They called my name again and I was brought to a gurney / spot in the waiting area - met the first of what seemed like 1000 nurses of the day.   This nurse took my vitals and initial bloodwork (they always seem to remark how low my vitals are - 110/50 BP & 50 pulse - all that running is good for a reaction I guess! ;)  She and many of the others seemed to be reading my file of how I ran the Chicago marathon while in treatment and just looked at me in disbelief and in awe at the same time.  I sort of felt like a "star". Steve was finally able to join me for a few minutes (it seemed like only a moment) and they whisked me away down the hall.  Pretty funny how all the orderlies know each other as you move around this HUGE hospital - they smile and are just so sweet.  

They found me a spot in the hall - and the anesthesiologist, a short woman with a huge smile and friendly manner began my "interview" - She promised they weren't going to do the surgery in the hall and showed me the room.  I then met a few more nurses and "team" that would be taking care of me.  Mass General is a teaching hospital and there are many people that again were reading my chart and making me smile with their comments about my running.  :)  (I like that).  :)   My surgery was scheduled for 7:45 am and we were on time.

Funny part is that is all I remember now that I am writing this.... I remember seeing Dr. Yoon wandering in the hall and he shook my hand, said hi and .... well it seems to be a blur.  The drugs were real good because honestly I don't remember anything until I woke up and saw Steve there with me in the recovery area.  I remember that we didn't get to a room until around 5ish that day.  Long day!  I remember my friend Robin Popp came to visit :)  It was great to see her, but I felt so out of it.  Steve was so patient, I guess he just had a long wait for me the entire day.  They said the surgery was a complete success, the initial findings did not indicate any cancer, but the spleen is so big it would take days to biopsy it.  

Finally in the room I was regaining my sense, although in quite a bit of pain from the surgery.  They had tried different pain killers, some that made me nauseous.... my throat was really sore and it was just exhausting.  Steve had his computer out and was right there by my side.  Such a lucky girl.

The lady next to me had her husband or friend there and it was around 9 pm that they wanted to kick them out because of visiting hours.  We had hoped that we could talk them in to letting Steve stay because I was so nervous and anxious, but I didn't have the energy to fight with the nurses.  :(  So he made the trip home that night.  I slept a little, only to be awaken it seemed every couple hours because my roomie and I were on separate times for vitals.  Steve came back first thing in the morning and the plan was to get me home that day...  I desperately wanted to be home in my own bed and getting some sleep so I could heel. :)

Dr. Barnes stopped for a visit during the day - remarked that I looked great, the surgery went well and again no initial signs of cancer.  They had biopsied one "slice" - but needed until Friday or Monday for the results.  To have my spleen removed was the least invasive of all the options.... I just prayed that we would not find more cancer.  Dr. Yoon stopped by too.  He was happy with the surgery results, meaning no complications.  He was a little wary about me going home so soon, but knew that was my goal and made it clear that I had to have enough strength but it was possible.

The last of the 1000 nurses and "team" working on my care was Kristin (sp) and she was awesome.  The goal was to get the catheter out and to be able to walk to the bathroom and back.   Give me a goal - I am there!  She found me sitting up on the window cil ready to go - and she checked me out.  It was 3 pm and we were bound to beat the Pike traffic that afternoon.  

The ride home was really tough.  Bumps were awful and I braced myself for the potholes on the side roads after getting off the Pike.  It was pretty painful.  Once home I could rest.   Recovery this week has been slower than I really wanted it to be, up until yesterday the bumps were just excruciating to my stomach.  Schuyler went to the mountain but we stayed home where Steve did some major driveway repair from the rain, mud and flooding.  

I am so blessed and thankful for all my family and friends.  Flowers, chocolate, cards, books and the coolest of packages to cheer me up have been flowing to the house.  Thank you all so much!

It's not over until the Fat Lady Sings.....

NOW we just need to find a Fat Lady radiologist!  HA!
All jokes aside, I have been very lax on updating this blog for a few reasons.
One is that Blogger says I have used up all my photo space and can't post images anymore - BOO!  I need to imbed pics and that is just too much extra work for me right now.
Two is that I have been overwhelmed.  Work and life in general has not been so easy to juggle since chemo and I had to give myself a break.  HR has been great at work as well as my supervisor and all the great people I work with at the Society.  I have such high expectations of myself, it is so hard not to work at 100%.
Three is that I really don't know what is next.  And I guess I am in that denial stage of not knowing and just staying positive that this will be just another blip on the screen and life will continue to get back to normal.

They found something on the final PET scan and Dr. Mullally pushed because of my symptoms to do another quick PET so we could be sure it was all gone.  Well, lo and behold it wasn't gone.  Just a little piece, but it did show an increase and after consulting with Dr. Barnes the next course of action is to remove my spleen.  We had a quick visit to Dr. Barnes where my blood levels were just about normal (not quite) and he made the recommendation to remove the spleen, biopsy it and then take the next steps once we get those results.  It could be more cancer, or we could rectify the situation with removing the spleen.

 We then met with Dr. Yoon in preps to get my spleen removed 3 weeks from that day.  Dr. Yoon was to the point and shared with us the procedure and the need for immune shots so I could have that 3 week prep in my body before surgery.  He gave us a low down on the recovery and knowing what a committed runner I am (obsessed? crazy?) he realized it would take a lot to hold me back and recommended 2-3 weeks (with others he recommends 3-4 weeks) and realizes that he would have to put my legs in a cast to stop me from running.  He pegged me quickly don't you think?  I smiled and felt strong.... all I could think about was the Boston marathon, Snowbird and Mt Hood.   ALL still on the calendar, all systems go --- just need to get this behind us.

Bottom line - surgery is this next Monday at the Wang Building at Mass General at 7:30.  They are removing my spleen and say I will be in recovery at the hospital for 2-3 days.   Steve is going to be with me the entire time and I am truly thankful for our neighbors, Mike, Fabiola, Christian, Marissa & Evan who are going to take care of Schuyler and keep him in school.

Thank you all for your prayers and support, flowers, Itunes giftcards & CHOCOLATE!    I will post more when I know more.  In the meantime, the Dream Team is running Boston because we have to KICK this beast of a disease!   You can now LIKE us on Facebook!  I am only 1/2 way to my goal so all of your donations are appreciated.  I have put in some major miles the past 2 weeks getting ready for this FORCED taper.....

2 quick photos to show you my hair is coming back!  Now let's just pray I don't have more chemo in the stars!

All Staff Briefing - My notes! :)

Thank you
It was a year ago that I stood on this stage to celebrate my 15th year with the acs and shook the hands of Dr sefrin and his cabinet - you may not recognize me cause I was a brunette.  Little did I know at that time what my year had in store.

You see, I am a top ranked master runner having competed in 25 marathons, that's 26.2 miles a pop... Including 4 ironman triathlons.  I placed 7th master in Boston and last year won my age group at Marine Corps marathon racing with 40K people around DC.  In my 40s I am in the best shape of my life.

I too love to celebrate my birthday but I didn't realize that impact until just after my 46th birthday in June.  It was around the same time as our local Relay where I am a team captain with our Cub Scouts that while running in training for the Chicago marathon I felt a lump in my stomach.  After feeling it grow my husband urged me to go to the doctor who ordered a cat scan and we waited days for the results.  I remember sitting in the doctors office when she told us "we think you have lymphoma"- what?  Cancer?  I could see the tears in my husbands eyes, and my ACS experience has shown me this could go many ways - so without hesitation we started to make some more appointments - I just wanted this thing gone.  

What felt like months was weeks of tests, waiting to get in to see the oncologist, more tests and working with the insurance to make sure it was all pre approved.  Once we had a diagnosis of diffuse large b cell lymphoma we needed to be sure that it was indeed the whole story.  Finally with approval of a local oncologist we were off to mass general to see a lymphoma specialist - dr barnes -a biopsy and more tests.  We then had the right diagnosis in hand and were able to get connected with a oncologist locally we liked - one that fit, one who we could trust, which so important.  Dr Mullally understood my drive as an athlete ... Because I was going to do the Chicago marathon, 2/3 of the way through my treatment even if I had to walk.

I realize this will be the toughest marathon of my life and just like a marathon I need a plan.  When I would share with my friends, family and colleagues - they would remark "are you kidding? You are the healthiest person know!". Like everyone I was in denial, but when I lost my hair it all became real... I am bald, I have cancer. See? (take off hair)

My plan?  Stay strong, be positive.  I needed a symbol of strength and Wonder Woman was a natural fit!  My sister made our costumes and my friend Cara was going to support me as Batgirl.  Here we go!  (put on cap and cape). Amazing what a costume can do to fuel your efforts!  

Mile 1-15 
Just like treatment, I was still strong, feeling fast enjoying all the conversations along the way sharing my story with all would listen.  Stay hydrated and pace yourself!

Mile 16-20
The tough need to get tougher -medical is key and you need to listen to your body.  Have hope, share hope along the way.  Halfway through treatment al the symptoms are starting to amplify.

Mile 21-24
They say at a marathon starts at mile 21, you may need to readjust your goal but keep that finish line in sight and don't give up!  Even though this may be the last visit to the doctor the accumulative effect of chemotherapy is more exhausting than ever.

Mile 25-26.2
Yes or no?  Choose your attitude, do your best, smile - you are a symbol of hope.
I remember the cheers from the city of Chicago rooting for wonder woman and batgirl all the way!  And I remember my tears of joy crossing that finish line.
I beat my goal and ran a 3 hr 57 min marathon thanks to the support of my loving husband and Batgirl (car and Steve stand up)

But recovery is a challenge, give your body and mind a break - rest is so important to getting back on the road.  

What's next?  I have some more tests and PET scan next week to see that my treatment was successful ...
And my 5th acs Determination marathon will be Boston in April with my 6 member ACS Dream Team in force!

Just remember that no one can hold you back from doing all the things you want to do.  Keep you goals in sight, take one day at a time, some days will be better than others, but every day is a blessing -so make each day the best it can be."  


_____________________________


Here is the photo "movie" that I put together for this event.  What was shared was 10 photos, but this gives you even better picture of the journey.  Enjoy.  

All Staff Briefing - Survivor Speaker

I recently was honored to be asked to be the American Cancer Society staff survivor speaker at our National All Staff briefing in Atlanta, Georgia.  I worked with Laurie Entriken from our national office Talent Strategy team and shared my blog and experience with her before getting to work on putting together a presentation for Friday, December 3.  Steve took the time off from work to fly down and support me - which truly thrilled me as he had not been to our National Home Office.  I was so proud to share our organization with him on the trip.  :)

It was a few reiterations, drafts and practices of the presentation in front of Steve that got me to the final.  I had not practiced a speech so much before the day as I am pretty good at "winging it" but it paid off.  :)
  There was about 200 people there in the audience and another 200 across the country tuning in to the All Staff Briefing and my speech at the end of the program.  Cara - aka: BatGirl came to see me speak that morning, taking time off from work as well --- (she is such a busy girl - it meant the world to have her there too!).

I felt pretty shaky, although listening to it now I can't feel the shakiness like I could on stage.  My mouth was so dry and it got worse through the presentation so next time I am going to drink a ton of water to prepare.... :)  I didn't have enough strength to open up that bottle of water, but that would have helped too.  : )

It has been great to look at all the pieces of my story that will make a difference to someone that will hear it and I think the marathon analogy was a good one.  I will also post my notes / speech  in a separate post for you to see as well.

Here is the presentation - enjoy!  Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think!  :)

I want to share the photos that were displayed as well - it took me going through 35 favorites to get to the 10 final pics to share as part of the slide show.  I referred to them through my presentation so they will be posted with my notes from the presentation.

Thanks for stopping by - I know it has been a while. 

I get my PET scan tomorrow and see the Doc on Friday - Wish me luck!  :)

N

Posting a link to my presentation at the New England Relay U from September --- now with 2 speaking engagements under my belt, I think I am getting better at sharing this personal experience!  :)
"Bald Appearance brings standing O at the NEDIV Relay U!"  

A child's perspective - a focus on Schuyler's experience

Ever wonder what it would be like to get cancer and have to share the news with your child?  How scared they would be?  If you were afraid of dying, then how afraid are they going to be and think you are going to die?  Will they share with you that fear, or just fear it?  The fear of dying is so vivid for a child, especially a nine year old that actually understands heaven, where people go and death.  It is truly a scary thing.  I remember the day telling Schuyler when he got back from New Hampshire and being as strong as I could be, so that we could manage his fears and he would feel comfortable talking to us about his trepidations.

It has been a crazy ride for me, this "cancer" thing... but bringing my family along with me has to be even harder to see how they personally deal with it all.  It is amazing how the strong get stronger in the case of my family.  Schuyler has had some ups and downs and really doesn't like to talk too much about my cancer, and just connects with me on so many levels that I am able to tell when it may be "bothering" him.  When I first was diagnosed I shared on the blog his reaction, and we have all stayed strong and confident through treatment and when I am not feeling well.  When I get up in the morning I choose my attitude, read the Optimist Creed, and keep positive.  As the time has gone by I realize it may be hard to tell that I have cancer except for my bald head and pale face.  We ask Schuyler to be strong and think himself well - as we know the positive vibes of your inner self help in the healing process at all levels.

We stay fun and light around the house where Schuyler has been so great to have around me to brighten my day and my overall spirit.  His distraction for me with all his needs and activities has kept me strong.

Here are some of the stories to tell about Schuyler & his experience with "Mommy's Cancer"


"Mommy Baldness"
One night we were sitting on the couch watching TV -  Schuyler puts me in a head hold and says.... "I Love your bald head mommy - it's just like a ball!"   :)  Schuyler LOVES balls - so that surely was the biggest compliment of the day.  He has been so great about me not "wearing hair" and has been known to just "rip" it off my head with no warning.  :)  Guess it doesn't bother him that I am bald!  :)

"Other kids"
He obviously doesn't talk about it much with the other kids and avoids their questions:
Lynne's son Derrick asked me why I wear a cap.... I told him its because I don't have any hair.
Schuyler said "Why did you go and tell him, now he will tell everyone!"
"When kids ask me why you wear a cap I tell them its because your crazy!  Pirate - crazy....  "  :)
I think he likes to keep it our family secret and often asks me if I still have cancer.

"Are you healed yet?"
At the end of my treatment he asks, "Mom  - do you STILL have cancer?"  and I replied "yes, but it is almost 100% gone and we will know that after I go to the hospital and they scan my body to see that the chemo has killed it all - isn't that great!"   - "Yes!" he replies "I just want your hair to grow back!"
As my hair has been growing back he gently pulls my cap off my head and feels the "fuzz"....  "YAY!  Your hair is growing back - it's so FUZZY & soft!"

My energy level has been low at times and my moods, sad and tired have been really tough for me to handle.  I am so blessed that Schuyler has been so resilient, supportive and loving.  He truly gives me strength.