A Crazy Survivor - Giving Back - Sharing HOPE

Family!

It will be 2 years in July that I was in the doctor’s office and I heard those words “You have cancer”. It has been a little more than a year that my chemo treatments ended, they thought they found more cancer in my spleen and removed it.  It could be that I continue to be in denial and “running” has helped me deal mentally and physically with being faced with cancer. Am I running away from reality? Maybe.

But maybe not. Maybe that is the best way I know how to deal with the stress and working to make my body healthier. People thought I was pretty nuts running throughout my treatment, finishing the Chicago marathon 2/3 of the way through chemo and then finishing Boston 6 weeks after they took my spleen. Maybe I am crazy. A crazy survivor that is!

Everyone deals with this disease differently. Most get scared, some get depressed, some get angry, and some just want to fight back. Or in my case and most cases we experience all of the above. And when do you call yourself a survivor anyway? In my mind, any day after you hear those words --- you are a survivor. After you walk out that door no matter what the next months bring, you are a survivor. After you are done treatments – you are a survivor. They killed it all and they say there is no more cancer? You are in remission and now it feels like it – you have earned your wings – a survivor

So what does it mean to give back? Why give back as a cancer survivor?.  I remember after finishing Boston last year with all that adversity and still a healthy 3:30 finish time (20 minutes faster than my age “BQ” – Boston qualifier) – I amazed myself – dressed in my Wonder Woman outfit and all. After “it” was all done, I didn’t continue to blog much, I felt my story was “over” – but what I realized is that my story was taking on a new life. A life of a survivor. Fighting Back & Celebrating Life.

What message can I send to others as a cancer survivor – a STRONG survivor. One of my quotes through my cancer journey was “If you have hope, you can share hope, and if you inspire others they will in turn inspire you”. This past week in Dallas – I read it on a Relay For Life Survivor tshirt “I AM HOPE” – Loved the message! I want to inspire and spread hope. This is forefront in my mind. I want to share my story and help anyone that may need my words to build up their own hope- I want to share it.  In less than one year I have felt the strength of spreading hope. Not just from speaking and sharing my story, but from first hand experiences. First I reached out and encouraged my friend Barbara who had breast cancer a few months after my diagnosis.  Then another friend from college, Cheryl was faced with stage 4 breast cancer and a double mastectomy after her chemo. Both of these women proved to be amazing “Wonder Women” in the face of cancer. I was so proud of them. My friend Sasha was stricken with grief when she lost her friend Crissy. I reached out to comfort her and carry Crissy’s ribbon on my “Cape of Hope” Again just recently my friend Susan informed me she is facing a breast cancer diagnosis and is “joining the club”.  Then at Mount Snow I was introduced to my friend, a fellow ski coach Mike's mom. She was so worried and stressed with her diagnosis. After talking to my husband and me she felt so much better and had hope that everything would be ok - and she would be able to get through it. Last but not least I found out today that my dear friend Lily, the sister of fellow Dream Team Boston marathoner, Charlie, was diagnosed with cancer this week. This news struck me hard this time. When will it stop! :( Each and everyone of these people have truly inspired me and have made me even stronger and so blessed to have them as friends -- and I am so glad to be a live to be there for each one of them & share that there is hope.

Wonder Woman in Chicago 2010 

We need to keep fighting. We need to keep raising the much-needed funds to find a cure and give strength and answers to our friends, who ever they are to get through their own battle with the disease. We need to advocate for affordable health care and laws that support the fight against cancer.

Please continue to raise the dollars and share your story of why you run for the American Cancer Society DetermiNation  team. Share the hope of more birthdays for more people. It will be my 8^th Boston marathon, my 27^th marathon and my 8^th DetermiNation effort.  So far we have raised almost $8500 as the Dream Team !  I looked at the group of people who are running for DNation in Boston -- at least 3 other cancer survivors in addition to me - are sharing their stories, sharing hope ---- on the line to raise funds for the Society and fight back. The others all have a personal connection -- very close connection -- and are repeat runners -- fighting each year to find a cure.

Follow me & support me as I share the hope for a cure as I toe the line in Hopkinton on April 16, 2012. 

Charlie & Lily at Boston 2011

Wonder Woman in Boston 2011

The Cape of HOPE

It was only ONE year ago......

Next week will mark my one year anniversary since the end of my chemo treatment.  It was only one year ago that I was in Northampton at Dr. Mullally's office with that chemo dripping in my arm.  I packed up my computers, my books, my iPad, my Nano and Steve drove me to the office.  I had just finished the Chicago marathon a couple weeks prior and I was smiling from that success.  I had printed out a photo of me in the Wonder Woman outfit and Cara as BatGirl - put it in a frame for the Doc.... he has placed it in a prime location right above the chair where I regularly received my chemo.

It was only a year ago - I was bald and wearing my blonde wig trying to fool everyone around me that I bleached my hair and was trying to look young! Or so I remember that lady commenting behind my back... I had no eye brows, no eye lashes, but I had a smile a mile wide because I was so loved by my husband, my family and friends.  I remember all the self portraits I took during that time and am glad I did because I really didn't feel very well.  It was the last week of treatment and I felt like celebrating - although wine didn't taste very good...  so we curled up and went to sleep early most nights.

We took a photo of us with the doc in the office after waking up from my treatment, as it was a norm that I fell asleep near the end and just got cozy with a blanket and pillow in my favorite chair  with the smiling nurses checking on me every once in a while to be sure I was still feeling ok.  :)

My hair is finally growing back to "almost ponytail" length -- and it is a nice brown color with a little curl to it.  Much more curl than I have ever had before.  Although chemo wasn't the end of my "treatment" having my spleen removed at the end of February would really be the official end -- this is a truly monumental time for me.

My recovery from the Chicago marathon --- and then to finish treatment.  That was all that was going on in my mind at the time.  :)  Yay!  HUGE accomplishments!

Fast forward to today.... in 4 days I toe the line for my 24th marathon in New York City.  I have never run the NYC marathon before and it will be quite the amazing adventure!  Ramon from DNation asked me to speak for the Friday night dinner so we are headed down on Friday.  Then staying with our friend Tabi who we know from Mount Snow.  It is supposed to be 50's and tail wind -- yahoo!

Info for NYC - Bib
11368

Blue Wave#1 Corral#11 11/6/2011 9:40:00 AM 

Drum roll please!!!!  My total amount raised for DetermiNation is $1550 for this event and I am so thankful to all my donors!  I had 2 friends that gave $200 plus and the last donation was 206.50 to put me right at the $1500 mark.  My grand total for all 6 DetermiNation events I have raised money to support the American Cancer Society is $9283.80 !  Yay!  Today was the day that the group of INGNYC DNation runners reached the $1 million dollar mark!  An incredible feat of passion in the fight against cancer -- raising money so there will be less cancer and more birthdays!   Coming from a girl who LOVES her birthday --- celebrating life -- this means so much to me!  So excited to meet all the other runners when we get down there on Friday.

Tapering has been crazy this week with the freak snow storm that came to town.  2 feet of heavy wet snow that has destroyed trees, falling down on wires, cables and into the roads in our area.  We have been without power for 3 days--- no water for showers that is readily available (we only run the generator for small periods of time to keep the food from spoiling).  So I haven't been running much -- got to get out more in the end of the week if life gets back to normal at all.  This storm has truly brought our neighborhood together -- looking out for one another, helping people with clearing trees, and sharing the warmth.  I feel ready for New York -- strong, happy, healthy and thankful.

After all - it is that time of the year we remember to be thankful -- although after having cancer, I am so incredibly thankful ALL YEAR ROUND!

Steve & I celebrating our 4th wedding anniversarynumber and start time:

"Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back!"

It is not too late to donate --- I am working hard to hit that $10,000 mark - so please if you can help support my efforts in the fight against cancer it truly means the world to me...  more than ever.
Nancy's DetermiNation NYC marathon website

Thank you!
Please leave a comment if you stop by!

Vermont 50 miler - It's all about Survival

It was mentioned somewhere in my reading about ultra marathons, that when it gets to these long miles it really isn't about the "racing", it is about survival.   It struck me as amazing that after one year and a few months since diagnosis that I am embarking on a new journey, a 50 mile run / race - that will challenge my soul once again.  


I found this quote today while reading on the web -- it is so appropriate for my state of mind right now:


Some day you won't be able to do this anymore, today is not that day' - Anonymous 


It has been a 'crazy' year and I think back quite often to the challenges that I faced during my diagnosis, treatment and now recovery.    I lumped it all in the same experience and pushed myself to run Chicago, then Boston, now this 50 miler on the Vermont trails and mountains.... It was all blurred together, recovery from each treatment, building up my white blood cells to get slammed again.  I remember it all too well in fact.  I refused to sit down, I ran, I trained - set my goals - completed those 2 marathons with a HUGE smile on my face.  And now am so proud to look back and see what I accomplished. :)  


DetermiNation is a big word in my vocabulary these days.  I am proud to be a runner.   I am proud to be running faster than ever.  I have some marathon milestones accomplished through some big challenges to share... I am reminded of all of this in prep for the VT50 and looking back at the 26 marathons I have completed. 

2002 - Boston Marathon 6 months post partum.  Schuyler was born on 10/10/01 by way of C-section.  Losing that baby fat, healing from the C Section --- all quite challenging indeed. In addition living in New Hampshire at the time it was tough to get out there training in the winter months for an April marathon.  I had waived my entry (back when it was allowed to waive) - because of my pregnancy.  It was a "slow" Boston for me (4;20) -- but I finished and ran right to my baby boy.  Very cool indeed.  

2007 - Boston Marathon during my D time... the divorce years were tough (so worth it once I found the man of my dreams!) and I focused on my running early, late and whenever I needed a break.  It was the determination of an athlete to get through the tough times in your life.  The best thing about my 2007 race was my result surprised me --- I flew!  3:05 was the time.... I was 7th master in the year that they were going to cancel for a Noreaster that was predicted.  Wow.

2010 - Chicago Marathon - There were plenty of "nay-sayers" that were in disbelief when I told them I would run Chicago after being diagnosed with stage 4 diffuse large B cell lymphoma.  I was a runner.  It was how I managed stress, life balance, self confidence and more.  It was a part of my healing ---- to run --- every day if I could (which I couldn't during treatment week) and I did take plenty of days off.  But I stuck to my goal of running that marathon, figured I would walk if I had to.... supported by SO many people.  My friend Cara running beside me as BatGirl - introducing me as Wonder Woman to all as we ran - sharing my story of survival -- 2/3 of the way through chemotherapy.  Tingly feet & hands, a little sick to my stomach (love my ginger people!) - but I did it.  3:57 (a BQ for me!) was our finish time. Yay!

2011 Boston Marathon - It's not over until it is OVER .... so the docs thought they found more cancer and said that the best thing to do is to remove my spleen.  But .... I was signed up and running Boston... raising money for the 5th DetermiNation campaign in less than 3 years, and darn it!  Stupid cancer was not going to foil my plans again.  I built up my miles previous to the surgery - knowing I would need some time off... so I piled on those miles (55 plus for 3 weeks) - and then surgery --- and then Boston bound!  My Dream Team was there -- my hair was coming back ---- I finished that marathon in 3:30:27 (29 min faster than my BQ time).  

So today here I am ready to run a 50 miler.  Ready to pour it on in the mud, trails, hills and back woods of Vermont.  The early start --- maybe a 10 hour day?  Maybe a 9 hour day?  Maybe faster?  I just know that I am built to survive -- I am determined!  11 days and counting....  VT50 here I come!  It is all about survival and I am a SURVIVOR! :)  

You can see what I have accomplished in the past --- I think I am ready!  What do you think?  Please leave a comment below! :)  Thanks for stopping in!

Yes I am a DetermiNator!

Recently I was asked to write about why I run and raise money for the American Cancer Society through the DetermiNation program.  As a crazy Relayer (a person dedicated to Relay For Life through work & volunteerism) --- my work with the ACS has me promoting the Relay experience on a daily basis - and yes I do bleed "purple" and drink the Kool Aid quite often.  It is "cult-like" to be in the Relay Family and it feels real good to meet others all over the world that are passionate about making a difference by raising the much needed funds to fight cancer, walking around the track, celebrating survivors, caregivers and the memory of those we may have lost.  Through my experiences at Relay and building this passion and it was about time that I share my passion of running with my passion for fighting cancer.  I knew about the Charity Runner program, and looked forward to seeing what I could accomplish by dedicating my marathons to a cause & organization that I believe in.




The American Cancer Society Charity Runner program began in Illinois and my friend / colleague Ann has spearheaded the efforts of promotion and building up the nationwide support of this avenue for raising funds to fight cancer through ACS.   I admire her energy and leadership to bring this forward to more events across the country.  It has been amazing to watch it grow!  Now with the name DetermiNation it truly hits home to the endurance runners everywhere that are out there DETERMINED to find a cure!  Look out --- ACS has now signed up one Determined lady! 


Because I am a crazy runner --- 4 Ironman triathlons and more than 20 marathons under my belt -- I had some great marathon finishes behind me before I transformed into a DetermiNator. :)


So you ask Why DetermiNation?
I love to run. 
I love to compete. 
I love setting goals and SMASHING them to pieces!  
I love marathons --- ok it can be quite draining and sometimes agonizing to have to dig so deep to push yourself for 26.2 miles, but the amazing endorphins you build up to carry you (AKA: Runner High) to the finish and the pride of wearing that finisher medal compares to nothing else.  
I love medals.  I love to win.  I love feeling like a crazy runner - when people don't understand you because you just can't stop running, training and sign up for yet another marathon.  


I love to make a difference.  I love to show others that being a strong athlete can also be a platform for advocating for better healthcare, better treatments, more research and tools for making a better quality of life for anyone who faces this disease.  


So after my 3rd DetermiNation marathon which happened to be Boston, I had signed up to do Chicago, again as a DetermiNator --- and was diagnosed with diffuse Large B Cell lymphoma.  And for some crazy reason - it just made me want to run more, show everyone that cancer would NOT beat me.  No way.... and on top of that I am going to bring more attention to the fact that I am fighting cancer, not only in my chemo treatments, but out there training for the Chicago marathon and raising the funds for the American Cancer Society.  It feels even more powerful to train as a cancer survivor - to show others the strength and determination it takes to be in the best shape and hit all my goals!  


Sharing the entire history below -- links to each story on my blog with each experience if you really want a good read.... :)


My first ACS DetermiNation event was VT City in Burlington Vermont - May 2009
Raised - $1340
3:19:59 - 216th overall place of 2119 competitors
21st woman - 4th in age


My second ACS DetermiNation event was Marine Corps Marathon in DC - November 2009
Newspaper article in the Republican about me in the MCM
Raised $1100
 3:16:07 
1st place in age - Master Woman


My third ACS DetermiNation event was the Boston Marathon - April 2010
Raised $1560

3:23:17- 7.46 min/mile

5291 overall - 712 woman - Overall- 41th master!  

My fourth ACS DetermiNation event was the Chicago Marathon - October 2010
Raised $1800
3:57;58 - 7807 overall of 36,088- 1974 woman of 16,142 and I was 135 in age
*NOTE - I was 2/3 of the way through my chemo treatments on 10/10/10


My fifth ACS DetermiNation event was the Boston Marathon - April 2011
Raised $1933.80
3:30:27 (8:02 min/mile) - 7816 overall of , 1445 woman of 10,074, 101 in age group out of 1597 in 45-49 age
*NOTE:  This marathon was 6 weeks after the removal of my spleen in order for a biopsy to be done in case of more cancer.
More Boston statistics 


My sixth ACS DetermiNation event will be the ing New York City Marathon - November 2011
Goal:  $1500  Currently raised: $852


Total (in less than 3 years!) = $8587.80  


Hope to hit the $10,000 mark soon!  PLEASE help me spread the word we can fight this disease!  Here is the link to my donation page for the ing NYCM with more of my story. 


 You can help me make my goal and you can make a difference too.  Thank you so much for reading my story of strength and DetermiNation.  As long as I am running marathons I will be a part of this DetermiNator team!

My Fundraising Tips?

1. Ask - if you don't ask they can't give

2. No could mean - not now - don't be afraid to ask again

3. Thank everyone that gives immediately - amazing the repeat donors when you treat them right!

4. Thank people publicly so others see it and may want to donate too!

5. Keep it up front and visible with the link everywhere so people know where to go to make a donation. 

6. Share your story - keep it real

7. Thank people even when they say no.

8. Communicate to everyone and keep them engaged in your training, your campaign to raise funds and to be connected to the efforts all around

9. Ask again! - count down your days till the big race and include how much money you have raised and how much to get to your goal.

10.  Celebrate with everyone that you touch through your outreach -- your completing the marathon or endurance event is something that they want to hear about and feel a special part of - so don't forget to share your results!

Above photo is of me at the Big Fourth in Springfield MA on July 4, 2011 -- I was 3rd woman overall and ran a PR 5K with a 19:56.  6:20 minutes per mile.  Very proud of myself that day! :)


Until we find a cure.

Almost Heaven

We had such an amazing vacation at Mt Hood last week.  10 glorious days of cool Oregon weather.  Waking up early to catch the chair at 7 am - the lifts close at 1 pm because it gets so warm.  It is a ski racing meca.  They salt the slopes each morning and hope that the clouds (fog) doesn't settle in because it limits visibility so much you can't ski.  We were "fogged" out on Tuesday.  One day off to visit the wineries and waterfalls in the region on Monday.  This is the first of my sharing of my fave photos from our trip.  

The mountain in the distance you can see directly from the "Magnificent Mile" (the mile long chair ride to the top of Mt Hood) is Mt Jefferson.  My zoom allowed me to get these amazing shots all week!  

The name of this one is "Almost Heaven".  I entered it in the MoreBirthdays art contest with the inspiration  of guiding cancer patients through every step of their journey.  It was 1 year ago today that I was diagnosed with cancer.  It was the beginning of July and we had reservations to go and participate in the Peak Performance Ski Racing Camp at Mt Hood.  We had to cancel those plans because of the fast growing cancer inside of me.  It was quite the journey - as this blog has shared my steps along the way.  The programs and guidance of the American Cancer Society kept me informed, helped me to advocate for my care, educated me whenever I had questions and bottom line made for the best experience that I could have in treatment of my cancer.   This and the all the people that were there for me whenever I needed them, the gifts, the cards, the love that I felt from all my family, friends and colleagues.   

Almost heaven --- after making it through CAT scans, PET scans, blood tests (they all sound small but are all so stressful - not knowing what is in store).  4 months of chemotherapy, needles, drugs, nausea, exhaustion, weight loss, losing my hair, my eyebrows, and feeling like total crap.  Wigs and my favorite pirate cap are some of my fun memories.  Speaking on stage about my journey to inspire others.... running.... racing... kicking it in whenever I could ..... running 2 marathons (and pretty fast if I say so myself!) --- the second one sans my spleen.  It all seems like a crazy dream right now with my curly brown hair coming in (not gray - yay!) and running a 19:56 5K to win 3rd place and a pair of sneakers at a local race in Springfield, MA.  

Then to finally make it to the top of that mountain - Mt. Hood.  To race GS, to ski the glacier with my family, to get through those slalom gates without getting smacked in the face and actually look pretty good! :)  This is another step in my journey to share the sweet feeling of the view from where I stand.  The glorious mountains of Oregon.  I am so happy to share these photos with you.   More than you can imagine......

Live each day

Love 

Look to the horizon 
See it 

and Feel 

Almost Heaven

View of Mt Jefferson from the top of Mt Hood

Please leave a comment if you stop by!

Quabog Relay For Life - Honorary Chair - Survivor Speaker - MY NOTES

 I am honored to be the Honorary Chair of the American Cancer Society Relay For Life of Quabog Valley in Belchertown, MA.  Here are my notes for my speech from last night.  :)


My COMMUNITY

Relay is about a community that takes up the fight - the fight against cancer.   

This is my community - and I want to thank you all for being here and taking up the fight, the fight against this terrible disease that affects so many and raising the dollars for the advancements in cancer research that make the treatments possible for so many like me to survive cancer.   

The FIGHT

I have been fighting for this disease as staff for the American Cancer Society for more than 15 years, but never knew what all this really meant until last year --- it was at this Relay --- I was taking photos of the teams, the survivor lap, the smiling faces of all of you walking the track -- fighting cancer in our community.  

I HAVE CANCER  
Then that next week that in Dr. Levheim's office just around the corner from here ---  she told us that it looks like I have cancer.  I was hearing those words "YOU HAVE CANCER".  We left the office armed with appointments, doctor recommendations, insurance follow up, and onward, fighting like so many stories I had heard from cancer survivors at Relay.  It was scary, no fun at all to say the least.  After going to Mass General for a specialist opinion and Cooley Dickinson for my PET scan we had a diagnosis and a plan.  We were going to fight this thing - stage 4 diffuse large B cell lymphoma - and the prognosis was good.  4 months of chemo, 3 trips to Boston - a nasty treatment of methatrexate….. Lost my hair, decided to go blonde, endured the drugs, the side effects making the most out of each and every day…. .    The PET scan in November showed something more and the docs said the best route was to remove my spleen.  If I don't need it - take it!   The whole thing really did slow me down mind you…. But I still ran the Chicago marathon in October (2/3 through treatment) and then Boston (6 weeks after spleen removal)…  looking back it sounds like a whirl wind!  My friends called me Wonder Woman and I have the photos of me in costume!

  
“No one can hold you back from doing all the things you want to do.  Just keep your goals in sight, listen to your body and take one day at a time.  Some days will be better than others, but every day is a blessing. - so make each day the best it can be. " 
  

  
CELEBRATE

Now - it hasn't been a year yet, but no cancer is showing on my latest scans

Time to celebrate life - I am here to celebrate with all of you...

Celebrate with my caregivers - my amazing sweet husband, my fun loving active 10 year old son, riding motorcycles with our son Stephen & Samantha now living in Boston
It IS all about HOPE... and once you have HOPE 
you can share HOPE and if you inspire others, they can in turn inspire you." 

Let's Relay!  

Mass Appeal - TV segment

I was recently asked to appear on Channel 22 Mass Appeal, a daytime show that highlights human interest stories and events.  We were promoting Relay For Life upcoming events for Hampshire County and Quabog Region.  I met Madelyn, who is the co-chair of the Northampton event in the waiting area.  It was pretty interesting meeting the highlighted events, promotions and watching the 3 stages set up as the cameras moved from one area to the other while the co-hosts bounced between stages.

Seth Stutman was our host that would be interviewing us and Ashley was the other host that was doing other pieces.  They were a cute pair -- funny, energetic and happy!  :)  Seth was hilarious and had a great sense of humor.  We played right along.  Soon it was our time to get in the couches and miked up near the end of the show.  Below I share the link / imbed the video for you to see.  I think it went well, and I look pretty good (my hair is getting longer - yay!)  Check it out!

Relay for Life in Western Mass: wwlp.com

A photo from the set where they were showing recipes raising money for Girl Scouts "Fork it Over"

 A great photo of Madelyn and I at the station :)