Almost Heaven

We had such an amazing vacation at Mt Hood last week.  10 glorious days of cool Oregon weather.  Waking up early to catch the chair at 7 am - the lifts close at 1 pm because it gets so warm.  It is a ski racing meca.  They salt the slopes each morning and hope that the clouds (fog) doesn't settle in because it limits visibility so much you can't ski.  We were "fogged" out on Tuesday.  One day off to visit the wineries and waterfalls in the region on Monday.  This is the first of my sharing of my fave photos from our trip.  

The mountain in the distance you can see directly from the "Magnificent Mile" (the mile long chair ride to the top of Mt Hood) is Mt Jefferson.  My zoom allowed me to get these amazing shots all week!  

The name of this one is "Almost Heaven".  I entered it in the MoreBirthdays art contest with the inspiration  of guiding cancer patients through every step of their journey.  It was 1 year ago today that I was diagnosed with cancer.  It was the beginning of July and we had reservations to go and participate in the Peak Performance Ski Racing Camp at Mt Hood.  We had to cancel those plans because of the fast growing cancer inside of me.  It was quite the journey - as this blog has shared my steps along the way.  The programs and guidance of the American Cancer Society kept me informed, helped me to advocate for my care, educated me whenever I had questions and bottom line made for the best experience that I could have in treatment of my cancer.   This and the all the people that were there for me whenever I needed them, the gifts, the cards, the love that I felt from all my family, friends and colleagues.   

Almost heaven --- after making it through CAT scans, PET scans, blood tests (they all sound small but are all so stressful - not knowing what is in store).  4 months of chemotherapy, needles, drugs, nausea, exhaustion, weight loss, losing my hair, my eyebrows, and feeling like total crap.  Wigs and my favorite pirate cap are some of my fun memories.  Speaking on stage about my journey to inspire others.... running.... racing... kicking it in whenever I could ..... running 2 marathons (and pretty fast if I say so myself!) --- the second one sans my spleen.  It all seems like a crazy dream right now with my curly brown hair coming in (not gray - yay!) and running a 19:56 5K to win 3rd place and a pair of sneakers at a local race in Springfield, MA.  

Then to finally make it to the top of that mountain - Mt. Hood.  To race GS, to ski the glacier with my family, to get through those slalom gates without getting smacked in the face and actually look pretty good! :)  This is another step in my journey to share the sweet feeling of the view from where I stand.  The glorious mountains of Oregon.  I am so happy to share these photos with you.   More than you can imagine......

Live each day

Love 

Look to the horizon 
See it 

and Feel 

Almost Heaven

View of Mt Jefferson from the top of Mt Hood

Please leave a comment if you stop by!

Getting "Wigged" Out!

Hope you liked my humorous title for the next piece of "treatment" I need to get through.... Finding the perfect wig(s) and how to "dress" my head! I remember the days as an Area Director for the New Hampshire Division of the American Cancer Society and recruiting and working with the hospital and Look Good Feel Better volunteers. What an amazing program -- now going through all this I see that this is one of the most important pieces of support, advice that should be there for women. We are predisposed to being self conscious, and work to look good --- things like shopping, manicures, pedicures and spa day are things you can do to boost your morale and inevitable your psyche and chance for success. So off to the Pink Petal today -- just to check it out on the way home if we aren't in here too late. Then I will make that appointmnet. :)

Here are the notes from my friend Kathy who has had the most and best experience with wigs of anyone I know - so I made the call for her support and guidance.  She just always looks so fabulous!... I first called her to let her know what I was going through and then asked her about her great experience with wigs. Her words of care and sharing of tips was just so good I wanted to share it with all of you and also have it as part of this online journal.

Wig Notes from Kathy:

• Be sure you get some "wig tape" as active as you are.
• Though, you will look great with just a scarf, bandana or cap when you're working out. : )
• Also, as much as you are outside, you may want to look for a full-lace cap -- which basically means the hair is sewn in completely covering the mesh that the entire wig is made from. This way when the wind blows you can't see 'wig rows.' (the rows of elastic that the hair is usually sewn onto).
• Do not be afraid to try on every single wig in the salon.
• First find the style that works for you -- then worry about the exact right color.
• Check the color in natural light against your skin to be sure that it looks natural.

Kathy's story:

Finally, I decided that I needed to get a wig. I loaded up all four children (at the time) and took them with me to the wig shop so that they could be involved in the process. Now, fortunately, we have at least three wig salons here in San Antonio. But, in smaller cities, you may not have the selection you need.

Do not -- I repeat -- do not order your first wig online. Because what you think will look good and what actually works for you are completely different things. If possible, take a trip to a larger city and plan to spend a few hours trying on as many wigs as you need to.

Kathy's 10 Tips - from a blog post a few years ago (below).

1) if you are looking for long hair (which is what I currently have) -- definitely spend the money on real human hair (with the cuticle intact). I tried several long synthetic wigs (even the "new generation" and "heat resistant" synthetics) and they looked great -- for about a month. After that the ends get "knappy" (for lack of a better word) and it gets very, very tangled all the time. The human hair is just like, well, hair. Definitely get "Remy" hair -- which is the quality of hair where the cuticle is still in tact and all the hair is sewn in in the same direction so it falls most naturally.

2) look for wigs with a "monofilament" top -- or in the less expensive wigs, a flesh colored mesh piece -- where the hair parts. These look most natural and really does look like your scalp showing. If you are caucasion -- look for the lighter wig cap. If you are african-american or hispanic/latino -- look for the darker wig cap.

3) you don't have to spend a lot to look great! The wig that I had on in my picture cost $39.99 and I swear I had so many compliments on it -- even women wanting to take my picture so that they could show their sylist what they wanted (it was then that I was very tempted to just take my wig off and ask the lady if she wanted to try it on! But, I didn't want to embarrass my husband.)

4) Benefits of synthetic hair -- wash with any mild shampoo, shake out and let air dry. No styling required. Very easy maintenance.

5) Benefits of human hair -- looks and feels great! Shampoo and style just as you did your own hair.

6) drawbacks of synthetic hair -- Not as durable. Can melt or singe with a sudden blast of heat -- say, from leaning too close when opening the oven. Or if your mother should accidentally wash your hair on extra hot, sanitary setting in the washing machine.

7) drawbacks of human hair -- you have to fix it. If it rains, you have a bad hair day.

8) drawbacks of all wigs -- wind, roller coasters, and water sports create challenges. But, there is double-stick tape for that. : )

9) and finally, the benefits of any and all wigs -- you can always have perfect color and highlights!! I am currently a red-head and it looks amazing with my skin!

10) The very best benefit -- once you get past feeling self-conscious -- is that you look and feel beautiful again!

_________________________________________________________________________

Here are some photos that I love of me -- looking beautiful -- from our Wedding Day in August of 2007. 

Photo of Schuyler before walking across the bridge - I think we were in negotiations here where I promised him ANY lego to make the trip to the altar with me. 

Photo of Steve and I  - Truly - Madly  - Deeply - after the "I Do's"  So in love then and even more in love now.

Photo of me at the reception with my alcoholic celebration drink of choice  - Champagne

The Good the Bad and the Ugly ----> Look Good Feel Better!

Steve has been so diligent in reminding me I need to find out information on getting a wig.  Not just because he loves my beautiful long brown hair, but so I won't freak out when my hair starts to come out, which is inevitable.... every doctor we have visited affirms it and mentions it.  It is the most visible thing about having cancer.  And it can be so emotional having it come out in clumps.  The video from MGH had an interview with a lady that said she had it shaved so it wouldn't "beat" her and it really was the best thing that she did.  Not sure what I will do, at least get a shorter cut soon, but hmmmm shaving it?  Reminds me of a fundraiser or 2.... and actually a whole entire Relay in the Eastern Division that shaved their heads for their local Relay For Life to set a Guinness Book of World Records... (I used to hear ALL the stories being the editor of our National Relay For Life Tracking newsletter for 5 years... what fun that job was to read all the great things happening across the country).  We shall see if I can come up with something creative or have the energy...  Any ideas?  :)

In the meantime after asking each doctor.... "I am going to lose my hair right?"  thinking maybe someone will say no...  but alas, yes it is going to go and probably when I am about 3 weeks in.   So we must be prepared or yes --- Steve is right -- I will freak, as I have freaked before when I lost little patches from minor Alopecia for the first time after having Schuyler.  Yes, 2 little spots first noticed by my friend Sue Ann at a national Relay meeting and I was in tears watching my hair come out.  It has happened a few times since then but I got this great topical steroid and it comes back in.  My hair looks a little funky (magic bangs!) but I hide it well with my part.  : )  

So now the real deal, time to look for a wig and find some hats that I will wear.  I am so fortunate to have a friend that has lost her hair and is amazing how she looks in a wig.  I admire her every time I see her at National meetings, as she lives in Texas and works for the American Cancer Society.  I called her the other day to give her my news and ask for advice.  She sent me a great email the other day and I will add it to this post with her permission as it is so wonderful her thoughts, experience and humor through it all.  

We are going to the Pink Petal Boutique today, a hair salon that specializes in wigs marketing to women with breast cancer.  Cheryl Nina from Nina's salon as well as both oncologists offices  have recommended her highly.  My insurance covers one prescription for a "hair prosthesis" which I found funny, but with the cost of wigs and the cost of treatment (even with health insurance) - every little bit counts!  

I made some funny notes yesterday on the way home talking to Steve about the Pros and Cons of losing my hair so here it they are: 

Pros and Cons of Losing my Hair

We will start with the cons to get the maybe "not so positive feelings out there"...

CONS:

1. Schuyler mentioned I would be ugly -- hope that he never feels that way about his mommy... :(

2. I will not feel like "me" without my long hair

3. Took a LONG time to grow it this long!  Not knowing how long or what it will look like when it grows back! ;(

4. The bouncy pony tail in the back keeps my pace as it slaps me when I run....  :)

I am sure there are more, but I need to change my focus...

PROS:

1. Aerodynamics!  (Thanks Jonathan) - I will be faster when I run!  Less drag and less weight!

2. I will get to wear all those hats I have bought through the years that I never wear!

3. Try new scarves?  How do you wear a scarf on your head anyway?  :)

4. Learn first hand about LGFB the ACS patient service program.....  

5. I could go blonde? (Is that a good thing?  Sorry Judy... :))

6. I could go red?!  Now that sounds like fun!

7. I could raise some money for my DetermiNation and Relay For Life efforts for the American Cancer Society!  Chicago is STILL on the books and hopefully with some strength a real possibility. And YES I will be a co-team captain for our local Pack 57 ROCKS team here in Belchertown.  :)

Here is a link to my Chicago Determination Page - 

"Boston or Bust" is my team - not that anyone has joined yet, maybe Cara, Charlie and Judy will join me because I know they are signed up too.  Please leave any size donation if you are able!  More on that later.  :)

Nancy Runs Chicago!

Here is a recent picture of Steve & I as a before "hair loss" photo.  It was a champagne shoot because Cathy asked for Champagne pics.... :)  Me and my incredible caregiver!  More on him later too- he has put up with so much so far and there is so much more to come!  

Chemo - Day One

You are all of course not surprised that I had Steve take my picture in the treatment room...  for "posterity" he says to the ladies across the way.  But really I had to share the smile on my face -- after the nurse had a tough time with these incredibly strong VEINS of mine.... and had to re-launch the needle --  (a few times - third time is a charm - right?!) and then ripping that bandage off my slightly hairy arms just was nasty pain.....  not that I am complainer..... :)

Yes - I have the Optimist Creed framed on a shelf (a gift from Stephanie Haberkorn back in my day as a Relay specialist covering 3 counties in Northeast Colorado - I needed it back then too!).  I subscribe to Jon Gordon's Energy Bus emails giving a positive outlook daily and I truly love the Energy Bus and all of Jon's books!  I believe in motivation, positive thinking, visualization and that winning is 70% mental and 30% physical -- in some cases 100% mental!  :)

And yes that maybe a grey hair, not that I had any before I discovered this cancer....  so I am blaming cancer...  but at 46 with no grey hair, no coloring ever in my life -- I am so blessed!  :)



SO here I am - Day 1 of my 4 month trek.....

Me with my Ipad, my blackberry, and my USAT championship shirt  :)  at Doc Mullally's office

Another war wound...  I have a nice picture of the "wound" from the CT guided biopsy too --- from July 4th weekend on the boat.  :)