It's not over until the Fat Lady Sings.....

NOW we just need to find a Fat Lady radiologist!  HA!
All jokes aside, I have been very lax on updating this blog for a few reasons.
One is that Blogger says I have used up all my photo space and can't post images anymore - BOO!  I need to imbed pics and that is just too much extra work for me right now.
Two is that I have been overwhelmed.  Work and life in general has not been so easy to juggle since chemo and I had to give myself a break.  HR has been great at work as well as my supervisor and all the great people I work with at the Society.  I have such high expectations of myself, it is so hard not to work at 100%.
Three is that I really don't know what is next.  And I guess I am in that denial stage of not knowing and just staying positive that this will be just another blip on the screen and life will continue to get back to normal.

They found something on the final PET scan and Dr. Mullally pushed because of my symptoms to do another quick PET so we could be sure it was all gone.  Well, lo and behold it wasn't gone.  Just a little piece, but it did show an increase and after consulting with Dr. Barnes the next course of action is to remove my spleen.  We had a quick visit to Dr. Barnes where my blood levels were just about normal (not quite) and he made the recommendation to remove the spleen, biopsy it and then take the next steps once we get those results.  It could be more cancer, or we could rectify the situation with removing the spleen.

 We then met with Dr. Yoon in preps to get my spleen removed 3 weeks from that day.  Dr. Yoon was to the point and shared with us the procedure and the need for immune shots so I could have that 3 week prep in my body before surgery.  He gave us a low down on the recovery and knowing what a committed runner I am (obsessed? crazy?) he realized it would take a lot to hold me back and recommended 2-3 weeks (with others he recommends 3-4 weeks) and realizes that he would have to put my legs in a cast to stop me from running.  He pegged me quickly don't you think?  I smiled and felt strong.... all I could think about was the Boston marathon, Snowbird and Mt Hood.   ALL still on the calendar, all systems go --- just need to get this behind us.

Bottom line - surgery is this next Monday at the Wang Building at Mass General at 7:30.  They are removing my spleen and say I will be in recovery at the hospital for 2-3 days.   Steve is going to be with me the entire time and I am truly thankful for our neighbors, Mike, Fabiola, Christian, Marissa & Evan who are going to take care of Schuyler and keep him in school.

Thank you all for your prayers and support, flowers, Itunes giftcards & CHOCOLATE!    I will post more when I know more.  In the meantime, the Dream Team is running Boston because we have to KICK this beast of a disease!   You can now LIKE us on Facebook!  I am only 1/2 way to my goal so all of your donations are appreciated.  I have put in some major miles the past 2 weeks getting ready for this FORCED taper.....

2 quick photos to show you my hair is coming back!  Now let's just pray I don't have more chemo in the stars!

All Staff Briefing - My notes! :)

Thank you
It was a year ago that I stood on this stage to celebrate my 15th year with the acs and shook the hands of Dr sefrin and his cabinet - you may not recognize me cause I was a brunette.  Little did I know at that time what my year had in store.

You see, I am a top ranked master runner having competed in 25 marathons, that's 26.2 miles a pop... Including 4 ironman triathlons.  I placed 7th master in Boston and last year won my age group at Marine Corps marathon racing with 40K people around DC.  In my 40s I am in the best shape of my life.

I too love to celebrate my birthday but I didn't realize that impact until just after my 46th birthday in June.  It was around the same time as our local Relay where I am a team captain with our Cub Scouts that while running in training for the Chicago marathon I felt a lump in my stomach.  After feeling it grow my husband urged me to go to the doctor who ordered a cat scan and we waited days for the results.  I remember sitting in the doctors office when she told us "we think you have lymphoma"- what?  Cancer?  I could see the tears in my husbands eyes, and my ACS experience has shown me this could go many ways - so without hesitation we started to make some more appointments - I just wanted this thing gone.  

What felt like months was weeks of tests, waiting to get in to see the oncologist, more tests and working with the insurance to make sure it was all pre approved.  Once we had a diagnosis of diffuse large b cell lymphoma we needed to be sure that it was indeed the whole story.  Finally with approval of a local oncologist we were off to mass general to see a lymphoma specialist - dr barnes -a biopsy and more tests.  We then had the right diagnosis in hand and were able to get connected with a oncologist locally we liked - one that fit, one who we could trust, which so important.  Dr Mullally understood my drive as an athlete ... Because I was going to do the Chicago marathon, 2/3 of the way through my treatment even if I had to walk.

I realize this will be the toughest marathon of my life and just like a marathon I need a plan.  When I would share with my friends, family and colleagues - they would remark "are you kidding? You are the healthiest person know!". Like everyone I was in denial, but when I lost my hair it all became real... I am bald, I have cancer. See? (take off hair)

My plan?  Stay strong, be positive.  I needed a symbol of strength and Wonder Woman was a natural fit!  My sister made our costumes and my friend Cara was going to support me as Batgirl.  Here we go!  (put on cap and cape). Amazing what a costume can do to fuel your efforts!  

Mile 1-15 
Just like treatment, I was still strong, feeling fast enjoying all the conversations along the way sharing my story with all would listen.  Stay hydrated and pace yourself!

Mile 16-20
The tough need to get tougher -medical is key and you need to listen to your body.  Have hope, share hope along the way.  Halfway through treatment al the symptoms are starting to amplify.

Mile 21-24
They say at a marathon starts at mile 21, you may need to readjust your goal but keep that finish line in sight and don't give up!  Even though this may be the last visit to the doctor the accumulative effect of chemotherapy is more exhausting than ever.

Mile 25-26.2
Yes or no?  Choose your attitude, do your best, smile - you are a symbol of hope.
I remember the cheers from the city of Chicago rooting for wonder woman and batgirl all the way!  And I remember my tears of joy crossing that finish line.
I beat my goal and ran a 3 hr 57 min marathon thanks to the support of my loving husband and Batgirl (car and Steve stand up)

But recovery is a challenge, give your body and mind a break - rest is so important to getting back on the road.  

What's next?  I have some more tests and PET scan next week to see that my treatment was successful ...
And my 5th acs Determination marathon will be Boston in April with my 6 member ACS Dream Team in force!

Just remember that no one can hold you back from doing all the things you want to do.  Keep you goals in sight, take one day at a time, some days will be better than others, but every day is a blessing -so make each day the best it can be."  


_____________________________


Here is the photo "movie" that I put together for this event.  What was shared was 10 photos, but this gives you even better picture of the journey.  Enjoy.  

All Staff Briefing - Survivor Speaker

I recently was honored to be asked to be the American Cancer Society staff survivor speaker at our National All Staff briefing in Atlanta, Georgia.  I worked with Laurie Entriken from our national office Talent Strategy team and shared my blog and experience with her before getting to work on putting together a presentation for Friday, December 3.  Steve took the time off from work to fly down and support me - which truly thrilled me as he had not been to our National Home Office.  I was so proud to share our organization with him on the trip.  :)

It was a few reiterations, drafts and practices of the presentation in front of Steve that got me to the final.  I had not practiced a speech so much before the day as I am pretty good at "winging it" but it paid off.  :)
  There was about 200 people there in the audience and another 200 across the country tuning in to the All Staff Briefing and my speech at the end of the program.  Cara - aka: BatGirl came to see me speak that morning, taking time off from work as well --- (she is such a busy girl - it meant the world to have her there too!).

I felt pretty shaky, although listening to it now I can't feel the shakiness like I could on stage.  My mouth was so dry and it got worse through the presentation so next time I am going to drink a ton of water to prepare.... :)  I didn't have enough strength to open up that bottle of water, but that would have helped too.  : )

It has been great to look at all the pieces of my story that will make a difference to someone that will hear it and I think the marathon analogy was a good one.  I will also post my notes / speech  in a separate post for you to see as well.

Here is the presentation - enjoy!  Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think!  :)

I want to share the photos that were displayed as well - it took me going through 35 favorites to get to the 10 final pics to share as part of the slide show.  I referred to them through my presentation so they will be posted with my notes from the presentation.

Thanks for stopping by - I know it has been a while. 

I get my PET scan tomorrow and see the Doc on Friday - Wish me luck!  :)

N

Posting a link to my presentation at the New England Relay U from September --- now with 2 speaking engagements under my belt, I think I am getting better at sharing this personal experience!  :)
"Bald Appearance brings standing O at the NEDIV Relay U!"  

A child's perspective - a focus on Schuyler's experience

Ever wonder what it would be like to get cancer and have to share the news with your child?  How scared they would be?  If you were afraid of dying, then how afraid are they going to be and think you are going to die?  Will they share with you that fear, or just fear it?  The fear of dying is so vivid for a child, especially a nine year old that actually understands heaven, where people go and death.  It is truly a scary thing.  I remember the day telling Schuyler when he got back from New Hampshire and being as strong as I could be, so that we could manage his fears and he would feel comfortable talking to us about his trepidations.

It has been a crazy ride for me, this "cancer" thing... but bringing my family along with me has to be even harder to see how they personally deal with it all.  It is amazing how the strong get stronger in the case of my family.  Schuyler has had some ups and downs and really doesn't like to talk too much about my cancer, and just connects with me on so many levels that I am able to tell when it may be "bothering" him.  When I first was diagnosed I shared on the blog his reaction, and we have all stayed strong and confident through treatment and when I am not feeling well.  When I get up in the morning I choose my attitude, read the Optimist Creed, and keep positive.  As the time has gone by I realize it may be hard to tell that I have cancer except for my bald head and pale face.  We ask Schuyler to be strong and think himself well - as we know the positive vibes of your inner self help in the healing process at all levels.

We stay fun and light around the house where Schuyler has been so great to have around me to brighten my day and my overall spirit.  His distraction for me with all his needs and activities has kept me strong.

Here are some of the stories to tell about Schuyler & his experience with "Mommy's Cancer"


"Mommy Baldness"
One night we were sitting on the couch watching TV -  Schuyler puts me in a head hold and says.... "I Love your bald head mommy - it's just like a ball!"   :)  Schuyler LOVES balls - so that surely was the biggest compliment of the day.  He has been so great about me not "wearing hair" and has been known to just "rip" it off my head with no warning.  :)  Guess it doesn't bother him that I am bald!  :)

"Other kids"
He obviously doesn't talk about it much with the other kids and avoids their questions:
Lynne's son Derrick asked me why I wear a cap.... I told him its because I don't have any hair.
Schuyler said "Why did you go and tell him, now he will tell everyone!"
"When kids ask me why you wear a cap I tell them its because your crazy!  Pirate - crazy....  "  :)
I think he likes to keep it our family secret and often asks me if I still have cancer.

"Are you healed yet?"
At the end of my treatment he asks, "Mom  - do you STILL have cancer?"  and I replied "yes, but it is almost 100% gone and we will know that after I go to the hospital and they scan my body to see that the chemo has killed it all - isn't that great!"   - "Yes!" he replies "I just want your hair to grow back!"
As my hair has been growing back he gently pulls my cap off my head and feels the "fuzz"....  "YAY!  Your hair is growing back - it's so FUZZY & soft!"

My energy level has been low at times and my moods, sad and tired have been really tough for me to handle.  I am so blessed that Schuyler has been so resilient, supportive and loving.  He truly gives me strength.

The Monster Mash 5K

It was great to be home during Halloween weekend -- and fun to be a part of all of that is happening in this great community that we live in.  I love to run a race on the holidays as the tshirts and festivity of it all just makes me so happy.  SO - in support of the Clapp Memorial Library we headed up to the Common and I put on my Wonder Woman costume, knowing it would fit right in with all the costumes around!   :)

We were so happy to see Trish & Jacob Sorber, friends of ours that we have known since Marin & Eliza were in Schuyler's kindergarten class.  The twins are always so amazing --- I remember the comment Jacob made to me when Schuyler went to the girls birthday party -- "We think Schuyler has replaced Diego!" -- the girls just love Schuyler.  :)  He is such a shy kid and not mixing with all the girls right now - so he kept his distance and refused a photo op.  Oh well.  I got some great photos of all the kids!  Jacob is a cancer survivor and it was great to share my experiences and some how when you talk to others that have experienced what you have gone through in cancer treatment - it truly creates a special bond, one I never would have known before.  For that I am thankful.  I love the velour hippie outfit full of color and Jacob's dyed bluish purple hair.  :)

The kids got their dash in first and the day was so clear and crisp.  Schuyler actually put some speed on his run and it was good to see!  :)  He loves soccer, skiing and all sports --- so great to have an active boy!   I think he is actually looking forward to skiing, and is going up to Vermont with his good friend Aidan next weekend to get that winter excitement brewing!  ;)

Then we lined up for the Monster Mash 5K - a 3.1 mile run around some side streets starting and ending at the Library.  I meet this girl Jill, a triathlete - who everyone was eyeing as she is the fast girl in town.  :)  She was so sweet and it was great to connect once I chatted with her about different athletic events we had done at the same time.  She was in Clearwater at the World's 1/2 Ironman Championship after qualifying at Timberman.  Both races I had done at the same time.  She said she was so happy to finally meet me -- such a great energy to connect with - hopefully we will connect to train when I am feeling better down the road.

Schuyler - not one for impromptu photos :) 

I love the start of races, so exhilarating and full of energy -- everyone sprinting their way and working to get their pace.  I am never very good about hanging in the back, so I push to the front as we round the common, soon to be passed by Jill and one other young girl.  It is such a beautiful area with all the colors still on the leaves it made for such a beautiful run around town. 

Trisha ran with me for a little while and then I had to stop and tie my shoe.  My stomach wasn't feeling so hot and probably from the crash earlier my breathing just wasn't on --- and I really didn't feel like pushing much -- so I eyed the corners of each turn and looked at my Garmin for the mileage and eventual finish.  Steve could tell I wasn't pushing and got some great photos of me floating to the finish.  :) I kept my Chicago Marathon track jacket on the whole way as the weather was definitely a bit chilly for a tank top.   The last part of the race was uphill on Route 181 and the wind was at our face as we ran up the last hill.  Not actually a PR flat course for some you could hear grumbling about the "hill" at the finish.  :)  But me, I love hills - it is definitely an advantage to love hills and love challenges.  Makes you stronger in the end.  :)

It was great to see Steve and get my big hug at the finish -- :)  23 minutes for a 5K - just about a 7 min/mile - not to bad for a jog around town.  Can't wait to feel better so I can push harder.  I have a feeling when I come back from this I will be stronger than ever.  I just feel it.

RCHOP #6 - Enduring it till the end!

I wanted to label this "My last and final treatment cycle" or "The Light at the end of the Tunnel" or "The Finish Line that I have been waiting for..." or "it's OVER now"!  But the weirdness of it all surrounds me, with the accumulation of all the chemo inside of me, each round has been more difficult to take, and it isn't all about the treatment days, but the endurance of all the symptoms that follow.  I have some cancer survivor friends that have been prepping me for all of this, but I really just keep my eye on the pie, the last treatment, the upcoming hopefully CLEAN PET scan and my hair growing back, my stamina and my drive returning and more of that old "Nancy" that I miss.

I anticipated the last treatment as one that would be tough and really didn't want a self fullfilling prophecy, but knew it wouldn't be easy.  RCHOP 5 was tough enough, but this one - I just had a feeling.  I have been pushing myself to work as much as possible, keeping up on the important stuff and proud to be doing all that I can in this state of healing.  This week I decided I really need to get myself back on track and start the healing process.


We had our routine down as I said in RCHOP 5 and as usual we were a little late getting there for our chat with the Doc and intake nurse.  I decided to get on the scale backwards and not look at the number, knowing all that Halloween candy weight wouldn't make me happy.  :)  We joked and the nurse smiles as she asks me her usual "So - how are you feeling"?   I take the chance to tell her all my aches and pains and falls and stuff that she really probably doesn't need to know, but it seems like a great time to list them off.  :)
1. My chest is still aching from a fall in the trails before the 5K I ran on Saturday.
2. My toes are still black and blue and my right toe nail may fall off - still issues from the Chi Marathon
3. I have the sniffles - something Schuyler must have brought home
4. Feeling bloated and a little exhausted
But otherwise GREAT!  :)  She laughs and takes notes, probably thinking  I am crazy.  :)

The doc comes in and asks the same question and I get to tell him the fun story of how I body slammed the ground after tripping in the trail, probably because I can't feel my toes and pick up my feet as well as I used to? (OR at least that can be my excuse for now)  -- My friend said that if it doesn't get better I probably should get it checked out - so I told her that I was seeing the Doc and maybe he give me a 2 for 1 on the next check up.  He laughs.... and smiles...  and is so excited to share that all my test results are normal and good.  No anemia, blood levels are good and everything is in order!  Yay!  We really think that the exercise and good healthy food, prayers and healing surroundings really pay off and are so happy.  So after a bunch of ski talk, gear talk and getting excited for winter, we head to the CHAIR.  :)
Photo of Steve, me & Doc Mullally  (actually taken after the "high Five finish" as we were getting ready to leave.

That familiar chair (and there is an extra one for Steve) - oh so comfy with its pillow and blanket waiting (I know that I am napping later, so this is all good).  I load up my side tables with my ITouch, IPad and Mac -- get ready to do some Farming and then settle in for my nap. Those of you that don't follow me on Facebook, Farming has been my mindless distraction to get me through some of this and I must say I have an incredible Farm and Winery too!
 :)  Love the photo below --- with my new Smartwool boot/slippers.  :)

My inspirational jacket of the day was my Chicago Marathon 2008 jacket which reminded me of the HEAT wave I endured and still ran a 3:26 marathon (even though I truly complained at the end - hoping to run a 3:10 that day!) Steve still remembers me blaming him that I didn't get enough training in that marathon -- until we found out that they cancelled the race and asked all the runners to walk back after a certain point.  Crazy marathon experience that was!  We had our down jackets that morning as it was in the 40's at home when we left the house.  It was nice to have my down jacket with me - kind of like having a sleeping bag - definitely a comforting feeling.  Love my Marmot down jacket!

 The cheery nurse comes over to "stick" an d"juice" me and I get to meet the new girl too -- a long time nurse now in Oncology (when she got to see my blog she was a little stunned with it all - made me feel like the Wonder Woman that I am) --- but I am strong, I endured this whole thing, running the whole way.  :)  Once loaded up the Benedryl drip started and I was out --- They RCHO the chemo routine inside of me and I slept through most all of it.  Woke up around 12:30 starving!  We got 2 sandwiches at the Roadhouse and I ate that second one for lunch.  Yummy.

The end of the session I got some photos to share as I love to include photos with these posts.  Got one with the Doc this time.  He has been so amazing.  We feel so blessed to have found him and this office of amazing caregivers.  A comforting, relaxing, healing place to be treated.  I introduced myself to the other patient that was there and talked to her a little before leaving and wished her luck with her treatments.  Then to the back where the nurses mix the drugs -- with the kitchen in the back too.  "The Control Center" :)  It's like the backroom  or waitress station where it all happens.  :)  They are the greatest too.  The one nurse gives me a hug as I shared the print out of the RCHOP 5 post where I featured her photo -- She says "You have endured this like no one else - we are so proud of you" --- tears welled up in my eyes.  Who knew I would be sad saying goodbye?  I can't say enough about how great they were all to me at that office and how comforting it was to know I was getting rid of this cancer in my body --- the strongest way I know how.

We said goodbye, knowing we would be back the next day and later again to get checked more, but this time - I know that I won't be getting that "poison" in my body and it is going to be all about a healthier me in the future.  Cancer Free Me

SO the big Shot that was on Tuesday - used to give me chills and pain is now under control with Aleve and rest.
The Prednisone is totally no fun - but I know it is only 5 days of craziness, mood swings, retaining water, a little nausea, heartburn, etc...  But when this week is done --- it's done.  My hair is even starting to grow back a little and that has truly put a smile on my face.

Cheers to all of you and your sweet notes on facebook and daily mile and comments here on the blog.  I really appreciate all of your loving support and prayers.  Like I said - we are truly blessed to have such an incredible support group all across the country.  Thank you!    Please leave a comment if you stop by!  I love getting notes and comments here are read and posted!

RCHOP #5 - Angels in White

I realize that I needed to do a post about my #5 treatment,  but it all has been such a challenge lately that I haven't even finished sharing all that i wanted to share about the marathon.  We worked the schedule with Doc Mullally that I could delay #5 treatment because we were flying home on Monday.  On Tuesday I needed to get to Northampton for my blood tests and doctor visit before treatment begins on Wednesday.  I was truly on a high from the marathon and smiling ear to ear as I walked into the blood draw office, where our friend (who I still don't know her name) greeted us in her New England way ( a non-greeting, non smiling, let's get to it greeting).  I can't 'remember now what I said, but I was doing my best to make her smile that afternoon and was successful!  Or at least I got half a grin - which is HUGE here in New England, if you know the type, you know what i am talking about.  I was looking for her name on her lab coat and the only thing embroidered there was the hospital name "Cooley Dickinson Hospital" - so now we call her "Cooley".  She is the best draw in the East!  She never makes a mistake, always "gets" the vein - does a quick draw and we are done!  Gotta love it.  :)

Then off to see Doc Mullally..... he was all smiles as usual and the girls soon showed us to the exam room.  It is such a warm and inviting office with all the photos and the artwork on the walls.  As much as I hate to go to treatment because of the after affect - I really love it there (as far as oncologists offices go - LOL).  I had made him an 8x10 enlargement of me in the Chicago marathon alongside BatGirl (which is now my header of this blog).   I "autographed" it and put the times and date on there too- perfect for framing!  He commented "If that doesn't inspire you - I don't know what will!" as he walked to his office looking for a prominent place to put it.  He had asked us to call from Chicago when I finished so that he would know I was ok.  We text him my results when we were there and he was happy -- (not sure how I could tell that in his text - but I could.  :)) So now in the office we told him the story of the race and how it went - it was so fun to share and he was truly impressed with my performance - AMAZED actually.  He is an athlete (past ski racer, etc.) in his own right  -- dedicated to his fitness and family's fitness and it shows.  His support of me has been there and true.  We have appreciated that more than he knows..... in the office it was like going home to the team and sharing the results to all of them as they huddled around to see the photo and feel my energy.  I still was feeling the endorphins and the excitement of finishing the marathon and sharing the story made it all come back.  : )

The next day was treatment and we are finally in a routine, although when we are running late we miss those RoadHouse Breakfast sandwiches!  ;(  There always seems to be traffic across the bridge as we peek toward the river and wave to our boat at the Sportsman's Marina.  Barely making it there "on time" to sit and wait in the waiting room, Trista greets us with a smile and off we go with all our gear for the day (snacks, books, computers, nano, Ipad, MacBook and my IBM for work too) - finding our favorite chairs right by the nurses station.   

Angels in white above  -- these nurses have been a part of my treatment since the beginning.  They both make me smile.  They are my angels in white - the unsung heroes of the journey of so many cancer patients.  Funny I am wearing white today too and this photo is just real warming to me, knowing how I am on the last "leg" of this marathon! :)

My inspirational tech shirt of the day was my new 2010 Chicago marathon shirt which I LOVE (not only because of the accomplishment it stands for, but because it is Schuyler's birthday too! 10-10) I wore my new track jacket from the marathon too - which I love and thanks to Judy's recommendation I was able to get one of the last ones they had on the rack!  Once all comfy - the nurse came over set me up finding the perfect vein (which they still admire! :)) and the drip of drugs began.  This time was a little different in that the Benedryl HIT ME HARD -- stopped me in mid sentence where I couldn't keep typing.  I then passed out and slept until 1 pm.  Seriously it was crazy -- I vaguely remember the doc floating by and the nurses milling around, and Steve checking on me, but I was OUT.  So much for getting any work done.  I had my nano playing a playlist and it must have just kept me in that trance.  That and maybe I needed the rest?  So needless to say the treatment FLEW by and before I knew it, it was time to go ---

Earlier that week Alison from the National DetermiNation Team had asked me if I would speak on the nationwide Webex for staff at the American Cancer Society as the inspirational speaker.  I let her know I was in treatment and would do my best.  Well -- here it was time for that webex.....  and the room was empty of patients.  I asked Steve if he thought i could do it -- feeling like I had just slept for days..... and still a little fuzzy.... he said sure, if I wanted to I should.  So I called in.  I shared my story.  I shared my Chicago marathon experience and I shared a bit of my DetermiNation experience.  Half asleep, I hoped I was inspiring -- it was crazy though because the IV was still in my arm as I pulled the setup around the room to a small spot and the doc and nurses walked by...  The one thing I remember from that call was Ann McNamara from Illinois chiming in - saying hi -- she has been a friend for such a long time in my career at the Society.  Her strength and care and passion for the mission of the Society shines through every time she speaks.  She said through DetermiNation we (the ACS ) are "changing the way we look at cancer patients" - She is right.  survivors are strong - strong and determined.   Determined to survive, determined to finish and determined to made a difference in the fight against cancer.   I can relate.  Once you are put in the position that your life may be taken away from you by this disease and you get beyond that - you want to fight - you want to show "cancer" and others that it can't take you, can't take your spirit, and can't take your strength.   As hard as "IT"has tried --  --- I am "one touch chick" and "Super Vixen" and "Wonder Woman" and all those other great things that the cards portray sent from people from all over the country. -- My support group is immense.  My "team" of supporters are as strong and dedicated as I could only wish for -- they all want to see this disease eradicated.  The strength of all their prayers is heartfelt and true.

Above my latest self portrait taken right before leaving for Chicago when I was looking strong and still had some color in my face.  I guess it depends on the day.  Lately I have been avoiding the mirror unless I have that silly blonde wig on. :)

Thanks for stopping by -- it has taken me a while to write this as the treatments have been harder and harder to recover from.  It took a 2 full weeks this time! The symptoms get worse, my nausea is looming.  I feel & look sick.  My emotions have been going crazy and I have been pretty down and out and moody.  I am done with being bald - and can't wait for my hair to grow back.  My energy level is low, I am exhausted and need extra sleep, the heartburn is nasty and I don't have much of an appetite because my mouth feels burnt and my throat is a bit sore.  Don't worry - I manage to eat and have not lost any weight. :)  I think finally after 2 weeks I feel almost back to normal (or at least "during treatment" normal).  I can run this week again and that feels great despite the tingling in my hands and feet getting a little worse.  I still need to write about the DetermiNation experience at Chicago -- so stay tuned.  :)  And RCHOP #6 is NEXT WEEK!  My last treatment!  I can't believe it is finally here -- I think I am buying balloons!  :)  Yay!

Please leave a comment - I love to read the comments as they really give me strength & hope.  You are all my support group and cheering squad.  I love and appreciate you all!  :)